


of time and crossroads

by fireflavoredwhiskey



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Characters, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, De-Aged Characters, M/M, The Time Traveler's Wife AU, Time Travel, i like to torture myself
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-19
Updated: 2017-08-20
Packaged: 2018-12-14 20:12:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 26,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11790591
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fireflavoredwhiskey/pseuds/fireflavoredwhiskey
Summary: "So... I take it we've met before?""Yes," the other guy said, smiling lightly. He has a nice smile. Bokuto felt something in his head short-circuit for some reasons."I see. So, uh, what year did I come from when you met me?""I'm not really sure," He said uneasily. "But you almost always jump from 2024. It varies, though. Your visits aren't exactly chronologically aligned."Bokuto nodded. "I understand." It was complicated, but that's the way it was. "2024, huh? That's, like, six, seven years from now, yeah? God, what will I look like, then? Am I already married?" He took a sip from his Coke, chortling slightly."Seven, to be exact." The dark-haired lad said, "And no, not married yet, I think. But I'm pretty sure we got engaged on 2024."Bokuto turned his face away, violently spitting soda from his mouth."What?!"The Playlist™





	1. PART I

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into 中文 available: [【翻译】时间分岔的路口|Of Time and Crossroads](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12008256) by [July_5th](https://archiveofourown.org/users/July_5th/pseuds/July_5th)



> needless to say (bec it's already tagged) but: this is a _time traveler's wife_ au. i haven't watched the film yet but i've abused my copy of its book. it made me cry like a bitch, hands down. the storyline of this fic (including some scenes) has a lot of similarities in the orig book as well, but i tried my best to tone it down heh heh. this is just for leisure purposes only and no copyright infringement is intended; as i have always said: read in your own discretion

###  **_golden love_ **

 

"Sometimes I feel like if you just watch things, just sit still and let the world exist in front of youㅡsometimes I swear that just for a second, time freezes and the world pauses in its tilt. Just for a second. And if you somehow found a way to live in that second, then you would live forever."

―  **Lauren Oliver** ,  _Pandemonium_

 

**.•:* *:•.**

 

#### the first encounter;

_**07:01 PM, Nov 15, 2009; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—10 (turning 11)** _

It's snowing when Bokuto found himself just outside a train station.

He was wearing a plain grey t-shirt and faded corduroys—no shoes, because back in his present time, Akaashi and him were just playing FIFA all day in their living room. A lazy Saturday night. It was summer at home, and the AC was in full power all day long. It was very different compared to this day. For starters, it's winter here. How many months to go until winter back home? Four? Three? Maybe he jumped in the future this time. That didn't happen yet before, though. Bokuto didn't really know. He couldn't think. Not if his feet were dying in frostbite.

_"Okaasan! There's an old man shivering near the trash bins! We should help him, Mama! He has no shoes!"_

_"Jiro, hurry up, you can't point at strangers like that—"_

_Heh_ , Bokuto's teeth chattered uncontrollably, refraining himself to glower down at them. He might've looked weird because of his hair (which was dyed and usually gelled; it's an effort every morning, really) but he didn't really think he looked harmful or somewhat scary. He looked dumb, maybe, wearing thin layers of clothing in the middle of a snowing neighborhood (not to mention his bare feet) but hey. In his defense, he had no idea he would jump tonight. Well, he always had no idea when he would jump but, whatever. All he wanted right then was to come back to Akaashi as soon as possible.

But as usual, he has no choice. So he wandered.

He was lucky. He frequently was, actually. For he found some discarded pair of Adidas in the dumpster a few blocks away. It wasn't even near his size but anything will do for now. He's already thankful he found something. Or maybe his luck was just Whoever Watching's compensation to him for choosing Bokuto as one of the world's few bearers of Chrono-Impairmentㅡone of the rarest, most inconvenient and dysfunctional genetic diseases out there that involved chromosomes malfunctioning in their quantum equilibrium and his body's biochemical cells' unbalanced inertia and— yeah. Seriously. It just meant being able to jump through lapses of time. It's not very hard if you didn't plow through the scientific shit. Even Bokuto wasn't able to understand everything until now. Kuroo's efforts in enlightening him in his condition were actually useless but Bokuto wasn't going to say that to his face.

"Excuse me," Bokuto approached an old vendor on the sidewalk. "May I ask what day is it?"

The old lady stared. She looked down and back up at him once. "November fifteenth,"

Bokuto blinked. "November fifteenth," he repeated. That was almost four months ahead. "B-But, what year is it, may I ask?"

The old lady stared at him again, dumbfounded. Ah, an ignorant one. (Being a jumper today was rare but already-acknowledged. It was a shock back in the '90s when they announced that time-traveling  _was_  possible.) But she answered, at least. "Two-thousand-nine," she said. "Are you alright, young man? There's a clinic at the end of the street nearㅡ"

"Oh no no no!" Bokuto laughed uneasily, waving her off. "I'm perfectly fine, ma'am! But thanks for the information!" And he walked away.

2009\. So he jumped  _back_. Damn. He thought for sure it's the future this time. Akaashi won at their bet again. When will he be able to get a glimpse of tomorrow? When will he actually win a bet with Akaashi about what era he'd jump to next time? And damn, he thought of Akaashi again. It hasn't been an hour yet but he really wanted to come back home. It really sucked when he'd jump in the middle of anything with Akaashi.

"It's okay," Akaashi had said to him one night when he voiced this out to him, Bokuto feeling guilty and lonely as well. "I understand. I know you don't actually want to leave me alone," He'd smiled sadly. "Besides, I always knew you'll come back to me. I say that to myself over and over again until you come home so I won't be so sad anymore."

But still. Bokuto missed him. Every. Single. Jump.

And now he's away again. Back in 2009. In the middle of November. It's cold and fucking dark and he didn't even know where he was and—

He stopped walking. November 15, 2009. The exact date was kind of familiar... Then abruptly, his eyes widened, frantically looking around—

 

 

_"So, are you gonna tell me now how we first met?"_

_He has Akaashi pinned under him, beautiful and naked as he stared up at Bokuto's face, wearing a shy smile. He shook his head slowly. "Nope. That's for you to find out, Kou,"_

_Bokuto whined, despite having his heart lurched at the sound of his own first name. "But..!" He said, pouting. "I didn't know how we first met!"_

_Akaashi blinked his innocent eyes. "We met at the university, right?"_

_"Noooo!" Bokuto moaned, burying his face on Akaashi's collarbones. His lips moved against his boyfriend's skin, his body bare as well as he draped all over him, under the sheets. "_ I _met_ you _at the university! But I don't know how_ you _met_ me _!"_

_Bokuto felt Akaashi shook. He was laughing. Oh, god. His laugh was precious. "You would know. Soon."_

_"Keiji..."_

_"It's the truth," Akaashi crooned, patting Bokuto's hair down his head. It was gel-free now, so the strands were down and tamed. "I'm pretty sure you are twenty-seven when we first met. I told you before, right? You usually jumped from 2024."_

_Bokuto pulled away slightly, looking at Akaashi directly. "You're not lying, are you?" He pouted._

_"I'm not," Akaashi smiled, pecking the side of his mouth in a quick kiss. "And it wouldn't be as fun and scary for you as it was for me back then if I already tell you what's exactly going to happen," he said, treading his fingers on Bokuto's hair, pushing it away from his face._

_Bokuto half-closed his eyes at the gesture, smiling. "Mmm," he said. "But, like, clues? I mean. What day is it for you back then? It's gonna be different for me now, you know, so you could tell." He paused. "And, what was it like? The surroundings, I mean? Was it daytime? Noon? Dusk? Did the stars align above when you already saw the handsome face of your future-boyfriend?" His grin was infectious._

_Akaashi laughed again, pinching Bokuto's nose. "It was nighttime," he said. "I kind of forgot now, actually but I think it's snowing back then.. and I was wearing my favorite scarf,"_

_"That scarf your mum has always been upset about because you lost it when you're a kid?"_

_Akaashi nodded, smiling wistfully. "Mmm. It's a very nice blue scarf."_

_"Mmm. So what else?"_

_Akaashi grinned, and then he abruptly leaned forward to bite Bokuto's right ear lobe._

_"Keiiiijiii!" Bokuto screamed playfully._

_They were still both laughing even as Bokuto pushed Akaashi down and kissed him so hard and so long_ _ㅡ_

 _"November," Akaashi gasped against the kiss. He was breathless and glorious and disheveled yet there's a small smile on his lips. Bokuto could also feel the other guy growing hard against his hip. "That night," Akaashi continued, "T'was November fifteenth. Two-thousand and_ _ㅡ_ _"_

 

 

 _"….it was another point for Fukurodani! What an amazingly laid-out synchronized attack_ _ㅡ_ _"_

Two-thousand  _nine_.

That day was November 15, 2009.

And.

There he was.

Akaashi.

His  _Keiji_.

..Looking at the big TV screen from outside an electronics shop. He was intently watching a broadcast of the Tokyo Metropolis final round for qualifiers for Spring High next year. He didn't know then that he'll be one of Fukurodani's best setters in his High School days. This Akaashi didn't know anything yet because this Akaashi was still innocent. And he didn't know anything yet because this Akaashi was still a  _child_.

Ten-year-old elementary student Akaashi Keiji was so adorable. Bokuto wanted to scream. Or to laugh out loud. He did neither, because he stood frozen there, looking at the love of his life in his ten-year-old-self and Jesus Christ, why was he so goddamn beautiful even at a young age? His childhood pictures didn't do him any justice. It's so fucking unfair. Bokuto never had his decent charisma until he reached High School. So. Unfair.

But no serious complaints, really. He loved it how unearthly beautiful Akaashi was. At Bokuto's age of 27 in 2024, he still hasn't experienced any time-jump forward or into the future, so he always saw Akaashi in the past. And yet, every time Bokuto would jump back, Akaashi would always, always look  _new_  and  _the same_  altogether. He'd always compare him to daffodils (which were present-Akaashi's favorite flower); and it coincidentally meant rebirth and new beginnings.

It always felt like spring with Akaashi. Whatever timeline Bokuto landed into.

It's magical, really. Sometimes, being a jumper didn't suck at all. Because the feeling these moments give Bokuto always made him realize all the good things he has in this world. He got to see beautiful memories like this again, right before his eyes. And it's enchanting as it was scary. Because everything was so real and parallel. The snow. Nighttime. That old blue scarf. It was just as Akaashi had described to him.

And the feeling was surreal.

He was still gaping at little Akaashi when said kid turned to leave and found himself being stared at.

Bokuto blinked. Dude. He bet he looked pathetic. What face was he having? And oh god, his hairㅡ

"Who are you?" Akaashi said. His voice was a bit of a squeak compared to his twenty-six-year-old-self's voice and Bokuto just. He wanted to cry.

"E-Eh?" Bokuto said hopelessly.

Akaashi blinked. "Why are you staring at me like that?"

 _Because I want to take you home with me right now and be our little child and_ _ㅡ_

Wait, no. That was wrong. This kid was Akaashi himself. He couldn't be his son. That'd be weird. And besides, Akaashi wanted a daughter.

"I," Bokuto said, "I'm just.. Iㅡ it'sㅡ"

"Ojisan, aren't you cold?" Akaashi asked, peering around. His words were a bit muffled, having his mouth covered by the scarf.

Bokuto blinked.  _Ojisan_. Uncle. Old man. He looked down at his palms, numb and shivering. Then he looked back at the kid, who was staring blankly.  _Looking bored and stoic as ever, even as a child,_ Bokuto thought. But he knew those eyes very well. Akaashi  _was_  curious.

"A bit," Bokuto finally said, pausing. Then, "How about you, shounen?" Oh, he wanted to laugh.

Akaashi looked around again, not finding it odd for Bokuto to call him young man. But then Bokuto saw something in his eyes. This time, it was a bit of fear. And, oh. This Akaashi was a child, after all. A pretty one. And there were not much passersby around this area of the town. Bokuto didn't actually know what part of downtown Tokyo they're at. He just walked and wandered aimlessly around, knowing that that day was November 15, 2009 and his feet will surely carry him to Akaashi to finally meet him all over again.

Nonetheless, they're almost alone, in the middle of a snowy sloping road. And when Bokuto blinked again, he just noticed Akaashi clutching plastic bags in his arms. Groceries?

Then Akaashi blurted out, "You can have my scarf,"

One second. Two seconds. "What?"

"I'll give you my scarf, since you don't have any," Akaashi said. "But please don't follow me home. I don't want Mama to worry. And I can't really talk to strangers, it's bad."

Bokuto opened his mouth. But it took him a few seconds to get some words out. "You'll do that? I mean, you'll give me your scarf?"

Akaashi nodded, un-winding his blue scarf around his neck. When he reached a hand to give this to Bokuto, he said, "Just please don't follow me around anymore. Good night." Then he bowed deeply, and turned to run past Bokuto, towards home.

When little Akaashi's gone, Bokuto stared down at the blue cloth in his hands.

He smiled slowly as his body began to dissolve. His time quota was up. And he held the scarf tightly just to make sure he'll bring it home, back again to its owner.

 

 

_**02:21 PM, February 27, 2024; Bokuto—26 (turning 27); Akaashi—25 (turning 26)** _

"Keiji! You finally found your scarf! Where the hell did you keep it all this time?"

Akaashi's mother was beaming as she saw the blue scarf hanging loosely around their hat-and-scarves rack when she visited Bokuto and Akaashi's apartment. She was so happy she almost cried. "I thought you lost it forever! It even smelled like that fabric conditioner we always used ages ago! How did you find it?!"

Akaashi just shrugged, smiling secretively. "No idea. Things just always come back, don't they?"

 

 

_**04:23 PM, January 08, 2010; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—11** _

"Why do you always follow me around!?" Young Akaashi finally exploded.

Bokuto was a bit ready this time. He was wearing more layers considering it was already autumn back home. He was also clutching Akaashi's old scarf most of the time so it was in his hands when he jumped. So now he looked properly dressed for the harsh cold winter of 2010.

Akaashi, who just turned eleven on December last year, was glaring at him as they stopped walking by the park near the school. Bokuto raised his brows at the kid's sudden outburst. "What?"

"I asked you why do you keep following me around, Ojisan!"

Bokuto blinked. "I told you my name's Koutarou,"

Slitted eyes. "You said it's  _Bokuto_."

"Well, yeah, but I told you, I'm used to you calling me by my first name now." A pause. "And, actually, you call me  _Kou_ ,"

The kid's hands fisted. "I never called you by your name before! I don't know you! I just met you two months ago and ever since that day, you keep popping out of nowhere and following me around!"

Bokuto let out a long, long sigh. He left Akaashi back home while he's baking cookies. He wondered if the cookies were done by now. "Mmm," he nodded. "That's true. I mean, I'm not surprised you're angry. I'm kinda like a stalker. But when I asked you what am I supposed to do, you just said to keep doing what I'm doing. So I keep doing what I'm doing. And that's badgering you every time I jump here."

Akaashi glared, crossing his arms. "I don't understand what you mean."

Bokuto smiled. "Of course you don't. You're still young. I'm not supposed to tell you anything until you're fifteen."

Akaashi scoffed once, shaking his head. But he kept his face calm after, and Bokuto smiled at the familiarity. He was always trying to be calm. "Was it because of the scarf? Because I gave you that? I'm telling you I just thought you're some homeless man, okay? I didn't know you'll want to follow me around like this,"

"I know that," Bokuto nodded, grinning. "But look, Keiji. I just wanna befriend you, okay? Trust me when I say I'll be.. essential as you grow up."

"How so?" Akaashi deadpanned.

"Firstly, I'm going to be the first friend you'll ever have, but that's a given, since we're already friends—"

"I don't have friends, kids don't like me,"

"That's because you're not very sociable. But that's okay; you'll have good friends someday, yeah?"

Akaashi didn't answer for a long time, just staring at Bokuto with that apathetic and somehow annoyed face.  _He didn't believe me_ , Bokuto said inwardly. But what can he do? He's eleven. The kid suddenly turned on his heel, continuing to walk back home.

"You didn't believe me, huh," Bokuto voiced out as he followed Akaashi around, hands deep in his jacket pockets. Puffs of mist were billowing from their mouths. It was nearing dusk, so the temperature was dropping lower.

"How can I believe you, I don't even know you," He heard Akaashi muttered upfront.

Bokuto laughed lowly. "Oh well," he shook his head, and then he paused walking. "I'm not asking you to believe me this instant, Keiji—"

"It's  _Akaashi_  for you, stranger," Akaashi said as he walked farther, his back turned to Bokuto.

"—but," Bokuto paused. "You ever heard about jumpers?"

And Akaashi. Stopped. He stopped walking.

For a few seconds, he just stood there, snow falling around them, the lamppost above flickering, as if sensing the disturbance in the timeline. That 2024 and 2009 shouldn't collide like this.

Then Akaashi slowly turned on his heel, facing Bokuto.

The older guy grinned. "I'm a jumper," Bokuto said. "That's all you need to know for now," he said, and started to feel him dissolving—that hot and cold feeling in his gut as he literally disappears in thin air—in front of Akaashi's eyes.

And Akaashi was shocked. His eyes were wide as he witnessed the phenomenon of Bokuto slowly dissolving in thin air. Hands, arms, legs and all.

Akaashi unconsciously reached out, his hand lifting up and—

"Wait!" he cried. "I didn't—! What does that mean?! Why are you going away after you told me that—!?"

"Don't worry," Bokuto laughed, shaking his head. His torso and face were already dissolving. "It's okay, Keiji." He said. "I'll be back soon."

And he was gone.

 

 

_**01:01 AM, Sept 15, 2024; Bokuto—27; Akaashi—25 (turning 26)** _

The cookies were good. Bokuto found a basket of them waiting for him on the kitchen countertop. They're already a bit cold, considering it's already one in the morning. He was gone for fifteen hours. He sighed. He wished he could've helped Akaashi baked a batch, at least.

His boyfriend was asleep on the couch in the living room. The TV was on.  _He was waiting for me_ , Bokuto thought. And seeing his sleeping image made a pang in his chest. It was inevitable yet enjoyable making memories with the child-version Akaashi but still. Everything always came with a price. And it's getting frequent, too, his jumps. He wished he could at least know when and how this jump lapses worked. Shimizu, Kuroo and the rest of the team were doing their best, but sometimes Bokuto would admit he's getting impatient.

"Mmghn," Akaashi stirred as Bokuto lifted him up to carry him in the living room. He recognized his scent, and his arms clung to his neck, eyes not opening. "Where've you been?" He mumbled lowly.

Bokuto let out a small smile, gently kicking their bedroom door open. "Twenty-ten. I finally told you I'm a jumper,"

"Mmm," Akaashi said sleepily. "Missed you," he murmured, still not opening his eyes. He was half-awake, half-asleep, it seemed. "'V'you tried the cookies..?"

Bokuto set him down gently on the pillows, kissing his forehead and eyelids. "Mm," he said. "I have," then Akaashi was breathing evenly again, now fully-asleep. "Missed you, too."

 

 

_**10:15 AM, Oct 16, 2024; Bokuto—27; Akaashi—25 (turning 26)** _

"Akaashi-kun, I think I saw Bokuto-san already waiting in the lobby."

Akaashi whipped his head around from his locker. "Really?"

"Yeah," Tsukishima, one of his co-workers and friends (ever since college) in Nagato Medical Hospital, confirmed. They were both registered nurses. "You should hurry up,"

"I will, thanks!" Akaashi said, beaming.

Tsukishima was one of the very few friends (aside from Kuroo) in their circle who actually knew everything about Akaashi and Bokuto. About his conditions and complications and all. Kuroo, being major in Bio-Chem, has become a member of Bokuto's medical team who handled his rare case after college. And Tsukki and Kuroo were sort-of-dating as well. So often times, it's the four of them since they started uni (or High School, for Kuroo and Bokuto).

Akaashi was almost sprinting when he turned around the corner, finding his boyfriend waiting for him in the lobby. Bokuto turned and noticed him, and then he grinned. "Keiji—!" He said. "I— _oompf_!"

They collided in a hug, Akaashi almost jumping on him. They stumbled back. "I missed you!" he said, clinging tightly to his boyfriend despite knowing he smelled of medication and antiseptics.

Bokuto laughed. "What? We just saw each other this morning?"

Akaashi pulled back, pouting a bit and shaking his head. "That's four days ago," he explained. "You thought you left me for only a few hours this time?"

"F-four days ago?!" Bokuto sputtered. "But Keiji! I swear I only lapsed back for two hours!"

"Well, that's way back in 1980s or something. It's 2024. Still with me?"

Bokuto shook his head disbelievingly, but he was smiling apologetically. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry, I didn't notice! And I just came back from your first tryout in Volleyball back in Middle School on 2010, you know. Did I miss anything here?"

Akaashi grinned. "Nah. It's okay. Your twenty-nine-year-old self treated my sister to dinner last night, though. She phoned me about it. She seemed weirded out, saying you're acting a bit off and asking a lot of odd questions but, eh."

Bokuto scowled.

He waved him off. "I told her your future self's probably stressed out because of that gallery you're planning. Aside from that, nothing much anymore." He paused. "A few operations here and there. Nothing I can't handle. I just didn't know you'd be waiting for me here and I missed you and—"

Bokuto kissed him abruptly. Akaashi smiled giddily, their noses bumping. "We're in the lobby, genius,"

"I don't care; I missed you, too,"

"You said it's just two hours for you—"

"Well, I still missed you," Bokuto grinned, pulling away. He felt their fingers threading with each other. It's one of the most common and familiar gestures he knew in this world. "Wanna grab some ice-cream?"

Akaashi nodded. "Yes," he smiled.

 

 

_**07:23 PM, April 28, 2010; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—11** _

"Bokuto-san," Akaashi mumbled as he was hunched in his study table.

Bokuto looked up from his video game when he heard his name being called out. He was sitting on the floor of Akaashi's childhood bedroom, eating Cheetos and sipping milkshakes. It was an hour ago when he appeared in front of Akaashi again. Thankfully, his parents and sister were still out so it was much easier to lead and lock him up inside Akaashi's bedroom.

Akaashi was doing his homework for today when he called Bokuto's name.

"Yeah?" Bokuto said.

"What does.." he said, "I mean… What am I like in the future?"

Bokuto didn't answer him immediately. He always asked him this question, and he always gave Akaashi the same answer—strong, amazing, handsome, collected and very patient.

"Like," Akaashi continued. "I know you told me I'll become an amazing person when I grow up but.." he paused. "Do you think Ojiisan and Okaasan would be proud?"

That made Bokuto paused.

Ah. His present Akaashi back home in 2024 talked to him about this a while ago. He said he was surprisingly insecure and had a lot of self-doubts when he was very young. He overcame this gradually, though.

"You know," Akaashi said, "My classmates are already talking about what they wanna do in life. I mean, I know it's too early to think about that. I'm not even in High School yet, I know, but." He paused, looking down at his lecture notes. "I don't know what I wanted to become someday. I don't even know if I'll become a good person someday."

Bokuto put down the PSP in his hands, sipping some milkshake. Then, "You don't have to worry about that, you know." He said. "You're one of the.. how do I put it.. most kind-hearted people I've ever met."

There's a pause. "That's lame." Akaashi snorted, turning to look at him.

"That's not lame." Bokuto said. "You're my bo—" he bit his tongue, "You're my best friend, you know,"  _Sorry, Kuroo_. "And I'm sure for now you noticed that I'm not one of the best buds to hang around here but you pretty much stuck with me all the way. And that's a lot."

Akaashi frowned. "Don't you think I just don't have a choice?"

"Oi," Bokuto pouted.

Akaashi smiled. "I'm kidding," he said. "But seriously, though. How much do you know me, Bokuto-san?" He put his elbows on his armrests, propping his chin on a palm. "I was wondering lately what actually you are to me in the future,"

Bokuto stared. Then he laughed loudly. "Oh, you won't believe me,"

"Try me,"

 _No thanks_ , Bokuto thought. He didn't want to corrupt him this early. Not yet. Too soon. "I'm… just… your.. best friend.. since we're at the University." He shifted. "Okay, sort of best friend, maybe, but, one of your closest friends, yeah."

Akaashi straightened up suddenly. "Friends? I'll have a lot of friends? At a university? I did go to college?"

Bokuto shrugged. "Yeah? You're pretty good."

Akaashi's face lightened up. " _Cool_ ," he said.

Bokuto snorted. "What do you expect? You excel at most things," Aside from socializing to new people you disliked. "I was the one who almost didn't go to college."

"Why?"

A shrug. "Just didn't feel it."

"What did you study?"

"Art."

Akaashi blinked. "Really? I didn't peg you for an artistic guy. You're too loud. Artists are serious, introvert people." He said. "What did you major at, anyway?"

 _Multimedia and Photography_. But he discovered later on that he was more in-loved with Sculptures. "Not telling."

Akaashi  _psh_ -ed.

He smirked, remembering Akaashi's twinkling eyes whenever he saw his sculptures back home, and all their Polaroid prints hanging at Bokuto's studio.

"What about me? What did I study?"

Bokuto grinned. "We've been over this. I told you I can't interfere with your decisions in life."

Akaashi didn't answer, sighing; he clearly didn't understand the point of it, since it already happened in retrospect, anyway. "What else, then? What else am I going to be good at?"

"Scrabble," Bokuto said slowly. "And baking. You're good at cooking,"

Akaashi leaned back at his chair. "Those are so lame, Bokuto-san. What else?"

"Uh.. Volleyball. You'll be a skilled setter."

Akaashi beamed at this one. "And..?"

 _Blowjobs_. Bokuto mused.  _You're an incubus at giving head_. "Baking. I really love your cookies."

"Mmm. You said that already," Akaashi said, "What else . . . ?"

They spent the night talking about Akaashi's future strengths and hobbies. It was almost ten-thirty when Bokuto came back to 2024, in the middle of a stormy afternoon.

 

 

_**00:13 AM, Dec 05, 2011; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—13** _

38.7°C.

Akaashi was burning up on his 13th birthday.

Bokuto from 2024 stayed up, nursing him all night.

Before he disappeared the next morning, he left a new pair of knee pads on Akaashi's study table.  _Happy Birthday, Keiji. You'll get well soon, I promise_ , the note beside it said.

 

 

_**10:23 PM, November 02, 2024; Bokuto—27; Akaashi—25 (turning 26)** _

_"Akaashi, are you okay? Have your fever gone down? Please call me back."_ (10:23 PM)

 _"Akaashi. Is Bokuto-san already back? Please text me at least. Auntie can't reach your phone as well. We're all worried."_ (11:02 PM)

 _"I'm coming over; it's Tsukishima."_ (11:40 PM)

 

 

_**05:11 PM, February 01, 2012; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—13** _

Akaashi learnt Bokuto-san's mood swings when he was thirteen.

He discovered it one late afternoon, when he just appeared out of thin air, already wearing a dejected face. Akaashi was practicing Volleyball all alone at their backyard when he noticed him just sitting on the patio, staring off into space.

"What's wrong?" He tried to ask, standing in front of the man.

"Nothing," Bokuto said, voice hollowed.

"It's not nothing. You look awful."

Bokuto didn't answer.

"And why's your hair down? It looks weird, now that I'm used to it all spiked up,"

The older guy looked away. There were dark circles under his eyes.

Akaashi frowned.  _Why_?

What happened from his year?

What  _will_  happen to them soon?

"Bokuto-san—"

"Keiji," Akaashi was taken aback by his tone. Red light. Stop. "I can't deal with you right now. I want to go back; I have to go back. I hate it that I'm stuck here."

Oh.

Of course.

Akaashi knew he should've been hurt.

But he understood.

He understood that Bokuto didn't really mean that. He understood that right then, he's just a child. He's just a child, and he's in 2012 and anything in Bokuto-san's life wasn't his business yet.

But Akaashi wanted to hold him. How can he stop Bokuto-san from making  _that_  face? He didn't like it.

"Everything's going to be fine." Akaashi said, trying to voice it out with a soothing tone. He failed. It was as neutral as ever. So he reached out his palm and gently patted Bokuto-san's head. It was soft, his hair, despite having it dyed multiple times already.

The man looked up; he stared at little Akaashi. The little boy didn't know what to make out of that look. It's odd and pleading, and sort of  _broken_. Then suddenly, Bokuto-san pulled him in a hug.

"Everything's going to be fine," Akaashi repeated, willing his words to come true.

"Why are you always so faithful and patient with me, huh?" The man murmured against Akaashi's t-shirt.

Akaashi sighed. The boy didn't know either.

 

 

_**11:23 AM, November 04, 2024; Bokuto—27; Akaashi—25 (turning 26)** _

" . . . Shimizu-san found some new meds in the labs. She thinks it's going to work this time, but we still don't know if there are more side-effects . . "

Bokuto hummed. Another set of new dosages. His medical team was persistent; he should be grateful. But it just gets tiring at times.

" . . I heard Akaashi got sick. Is he okay now?"

Bokuto paused in hammering his chisel at the marble in front of him. He and Kuroo were in his studio. It's their small garage which he and Akaashi turned into a makeshift-box-of-an-air-conditioned-room. He's finishing up a bust chunk for a client. An odd image of an abstract female. It's a bit intricate. He got some ideas from the early '70s the last time he was there.

"What do you mean?" Bokuto looked at Kuroo now, who was leaning on the door of his studio, watching him work. It's good to see him out of his white uniform and in a normal shirt today. He's a Chemist, this genius bastard.

Kuroo looked at him, confused. "What do  _you_  mean? You didn't know?"

Bokuto put his hammer and chisel down on the table.

Kuroo fidgeted. Then, "Kei just told me yesterday. He almost rushed Akaashi last Wednesday at the hospital. Some bad flu, plus stress and fatigue, it seems." He paused. "Where've you been?"

_Where have you been?_

That question again. Sometimes, it gets annoying.

"I was… with Akaashi.. back in 2011. It's his birthday and.." Bokuto's voice trailed off.

Kuroo didn't answer. Then, "Well, that can't be helped, I guess." He said lowly.

There's a pregnant pause. "Yeah," Bokuto said, staring off into space.

"But hey, Akaashi's one strong guy. We all know that. Don't worry about it."

Bokuto didn't reply immediately. Then, "I'm thinking of proposing soon." He whispered.

Kuroo's eyes snapped back at him.

Bokuto's voice was hopeful. "Will you help?"

 

 

#### misplaced heartaches;

_**08:13 PM, September 04, 2013; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—14 (turning 15)** _

Akaashi's breath caught when he noticed the ring. It mirrored the light from Bokuto-san's eyes. He was happy. But he's been a bit silent since he showed up to fetch him from practice tonight. It looked like his mind was in cloud nine.

They were walking side-by-side. When Akaashi stopped and told him he'd like to grab some ice cream before they went home, Bokuto grinned and agreed.

He was a little more enthusiastic today, which was pretty fine, he guessed. But there's a bad feeling settling in his stomach ever since he saw that ring and God. Akaashi felt like a jerk. He felt nauseated. And suddenly, he can't look at Bokuto-san anymore.

"You seemed happy." He blurted out, looking down. They were both sitting on the swing. Akaashi can't look up. Akaashi can't see Bokuto-san's smile. He can't.

He knew the older guy nodded, grinning. "I'm happy," he confirmed.

Don't look at him. "Does it… does it have anything to do with the ring on your finger?"

There was a pause. Then he heard Bokuto laughed. Happy and elated. Akaashi's chest hurt. "You noticed, huh?" A pause. "But, yeah, it does." A laugh. "I'm  _so_  happy, Keiji. I thought for sure everything's going to go wrong! Well, initially, everything's already wrong and—"

"Did you get married on your time?"

Bokuto's words halted. "I.. was engaged." He paused. "Hey, is anything wrong? Are you okay?"

Akaashi was still looking down; his hands were gripping the chains of his swing so tightly. His knuckles were almost white. "I see," Akaashi said, tone a bit constricted.

"Keiji..?"

"Do you.. love her?"

Bokuto-san didn't answer immediately. But, "So, so much," he said softly. And that's it for Akaashi. He stood up and grabbed his bag on the ground. Then he sprinted to exit the playground.

It was silly. Of course he should've seen this. He did expect this, honestly. Bokuto-san was a grown man, after all. He surely has someone else waiting for him to come home when he's away with Akaashi all this time. He did mention a special someone before, didn't he? But still, why? Why did it hurt like this?

It was ridiculous, because Bokuto-san started off as a stranger. Then he became his friend. Then his confidant. And then suddenly, Akaashi felt like he can't stand to not see Bokuto-san anymore. He's grown on him gradually and it's true; he has become essential to his life ever since he popped out of nowhere four years ago.

But he's just a jumper. A wanderer. He's not Akaashi's. He has a life back home. He has his own world to see. And even if Akaashi knew that he'd meet this Bokuto again someday, he felt like, he wouldn't be  _his_  Bokuto-san anymore.

It's so wrong. Damn, it's all wrong. Akaashi shouldn't be feeling this way.

He has to run away but— A hand caught his arm, stopping him.

"Keiji!" Bokuto-san.  _Don't, please. You can't see my face._ "What's wrong?! Why are you running away?!" His voice sounded surprised, panicked. "Keiji—look at me—please—I… what…  _Why are you crying?!"_

Pathetic. Very pathetic. But oh, fuck it.  _"I like you!"_  Akaashi cried, tears streaming down his cheeks. "I'm gay, alright!? And I like you! And I hate it! Because I should be happy for you, now that you're about to get married but I can't lie, okay!?" He sobbed. Bokuto-san was looking at him with wide eyes. "I'm  _not_  happy! I've liked you since last year,  _and you're so stupid! And I'm so stupid!_  And I don't wanna see y— _ah_!"

Akaashi was losing it, really. And Bokuto-san must've known it because he pulled him into a bone-crushing hug. "Shit," Bokuto-san said. "Shit, I'm the one who's fucking stupid. I'm sorry, Keiji, I'm sorry—"

"Stop it," Akaashi said, trying to pull away. "I don't want your sympathy—"

"No—hey—Keiji,  _you_  stop it, look at me, please."

Akaashi looked away, glaring. His cheeks were still damp with tears. Then Bokuto-san held his jaw, and gently turned it so they were face-to-face. The man was kneeling in a crouch in front of him. And Bokuto-san was— He has a small smile on. The bastard was smiling. Akaashi's tears started to stream down again.

"Hey, sshh, stop that. Will you let me speak first?"

"No," Akaashi said. "Just disappear like you always do. Then I can go home."

The older guy chuckled, and he pulled Akaashi into a gentle hug this time. "Oh my god, Keiji, what am I going to do with you.." he paused, kissing his hair. Akaashi went rigid.

"Bokuto-san, please let me go. You can't lead me on like this,"

Bokuto pulled away, shaking his head. "I can't do that." He said. "Because leading you on was sort of, like, my hidden agenda all along."

Akaashi frowned, sniffing. "What?"

Bokuto-san smiled, sighing. "Ah, I really can't stand it when I see you cry even when you're a kid and at a sniveling age," he wiped Akaashi's tears away with his fingers. "Okay so, do you remember when I told you, you shouldn't be able to know anything until you're fifteen?"

Akaashi sniffed. "That's because you're an ass,"

Bokuto grinned. "Well, yeah, but that's actually the truth, because I shouldn't tell you anything until you already feel something about me. Do you understand?"

Akaashi didn't answer. He's getting nervous.

Bokuto smiled gently. "And you're turning fifteen this year, aren't you?"

He nodded slowly, and then he shivered when he felt Bokuto-san's finger's threaded with his own. He looked down at their connected hands, surprised, and then he looked back at Bokuto-san's face again. He can't speak.

"Want me to tell you everything now?" He smiled. And Akaashi nodded, heart beating loudly in his throat.

 

 

_**11:57 PM, Dec 04, 2014; Bokuto—28 (from 2026); Akaashi—15 (turning 16)** _

"Hey,"

Akaashi smiled against the dark when he heard his voice. He was standing alone in their backyard patio and he thought for sure Bokuto-san's not going to show up for his birthday. He understood it, though. But still, the man never missed Akaashi's birthday since he was eleven, and it made him kind of hopeful every year. He never failed, at least, He always showed up.

But this time, something's wrong.

The moment Bokuto appeared, Akaashi felt something's off. He didn't understand as well, but it felt like the air was different this time.

Bokuto hugged him from the back, his face nuzzling on his neck. "Hiiii," he whispered.

"What's wrong?" Akaashi said, twisting around and facing his twenty-seven (or twenty-eight?) year old boyfriend.

"Nothing," Bokuto said, kissing him on the mouth. Longing and sweet and.. sad? Then, "Oh, shit, wait," he pulled back. "What year is this—?"

"Relax," Akaashi pulled him back. "I'm sixteen,"

Bokuto blinked. Then he kissed him again. "Happy birthday," he murmured.

Akaashi sighed inwardly, trying to ignore the bad feeling, and he set this aside as they sneaked to their house and up to his bedroom.

He's sad again. And anxious and frustrated. He could sense it. Also, Bokuto-san's face obviously looked.. wearier? Older? He couldn't be much older than he was before, right?

"Keiji," Bokuto-san said. "I miss you,"

Akaashi twisted around to face him; they were spooning on the bed, and Akaashi had a suspicion that this position was because Bokuto-san didn't want him to see his face. "You just see me last week," he said, fingers threading on Bokuto's hair. He seemed to like it when he does that.

"Mm," he said, closing his eyes. "But to me it's been a while."

Akaashi's fingers paused mid-comb. "What year did you come from?" He whispered.

Bokuto blinked sleepily, tiredly. "Two-thousand-twenty-six,"

2026\. That's still twelve years from now. But, "Everything's doing okay on 2026?" Akaashi whispered, trying to test the waters.

And. God. Bokuto-san just—

He kissed Akaashi. That kind of kiss Akaashi thought he can't handle. That kind of kiss that should only be shared by two people who were special to each other. Akaashi was taken aback at first, but Bokuto-san held him so tightly by snaking his arms around his torso. The kiss was so warm and different. Hard and hungry and long and wet. He's crying. Bokuto-san was crying, and Akaashi didn't know what's happening and he didn't know how to make things right, so he just pulled him in. Closer, closer; kissing him with equal ferocity and desperation and—

"I love you," Bokuto-san gasped, now burying his lips on the junction of Akaashi's neck and shoulders. "I didn't know if I told you that already in this timeline but I love you so much, Keiji. So, so much and I don't know how I—"

Akaashi wanted to cry. It's his first time hearing that.

But, "Shhh," Akaashi held him tightly, pressing Bokuto's trembling body against his. "It's okay," he whispered. "I know," his voice was tight; he's willing himself to stop the tears as well, "I know. I'm here. I love you, too, Bokuto-san," he repeated the words like a mantra. "I love you _. I love you_ ,"

 

 

_**9:57 PM, January 09, 2015; Bokuto (from 2024)—27; Akaashi—16** _

"This is it, then?" Akaashi smiled sadly, staring at Bokuto.

They were side-by-side, holding hands, on the train platform in Shibuya.

Akaashi was supposed to take the last 10 PM train home. And after that, Bokuto told him there would be a gap for two years wherein Akaashi will stop seeing him from the future. Temporarily, at least. The jump-lapses on Akaashi's timeline will be back full-force on 2017.

"What?" Akaashi panicked when Bokuto first said this to him. "B-But, what are we going to do?"

"It's okay," Bokuto said, smiling. "We'll see each other again," he paused. "At the University, remember?"

Akaashi relaxed. He blinked. "But, what university? How will I be able to choose or pass all those exams?"

Bokuto had chuckled. "Tokyo," he said simply. "So better study hard to get qualified, eh?"

Akaashi was surprised. " _You_  got in Tokyo University? At Bunkyo?"

Bokuto snorted, offended. "What do you think of me,  _haah_? I'm quite average!"

Akaashi had laughed. "I know. I'm just teasing." He paused. "But, what am I going to major at?"

The guy smiled. "That's for you to know," he had winked.

So now they're in front of the tracks, standing beside each other, hands interlocked.

"You know what," Akaashi started. "Two years are actually long without you around." He paused. "I'll be lonely. I don't have friends."

He felt Bokuto smiled. "You'll gain some," he promised. "And don't worry; it'd pass by in a jiffy, I'm telling you. Right now, my present self in this timeline is, as I remember, still thinks he's straight as hell."

Akaashi looked at him, scowling. "What?"

Bokuto shrugged. "But that won't be a problem a few years later. Realization will strike me on 2016." He smirked. "Actually, you won't have difficulty in getting me smitten for you, you know. I'll be head over heels before you know it." He laughed lowly.

Akaashi bumped their shoulders together, smiling and blushing.

"So don't give up on waiting for me, yeah?" Bokuto said, facing him now directly. They could hear the train approaching. "I swear, everything's gonna be fine. As you told me before, just do what you usually do. Okay? Everything happens when it happens."

Akaashi nodded, not trusting himself to speak. One minute. He felt his chest constricting.

The other guy smiled knowingly. "And oh, one more thingㅡ" Bokuto-san leaned in, giving him a long, lingering kiss.

The train came, and Akaashi had his eyes closed. He hooked his arms around his neck. He can feel him dissolving.  _Don't go yet, please—_

Then a moment passed, and the second he opened his lids, Bokuto-san has already disappeared, and Akaashi was left hugging the open air.

His lips still tingled, missing the friction.

Akaashi's arms fell on his sides. He stared at his palm, and then he rode on the train.

He plugged in his earphones; he listened to music to stop the tears from coming.

 _I'm going to meet you soon,_  he thought. Just wait.

_I'll come find you._

 

* * *

 

 

"Our paths have crossed,  
but it's the last time I'll have you;   
When we're old, we'll look on   
this golden love."

 ㅡ **Midnight Youth,** _Golden Love_

 

 


	2. PART II

###  _**stars apart** _

 

“Time is too slow for those who wait, too swift for those who fear, too long for those who grieve, too short for those who rejoice, but for those who love, time is eternity.” 

―  **Henry Van Dyke**

 

**.•:* *:•.**

 

**Spring 2015**

_Dear Future Keiji,_

_This is the stupidest thing my High School teacher has ever asked us to do, don't you think?_

_Writing a letter to your future self._

_I don't even understand what they want us to write but I guess I have no choice . . . ._

 

 

**Summer 2015**

_Dear Future Keiji,_

_It's the start of summer break._

_I miss him already._

_What do you think is he doing now?_

_I wonder what school he came from. I never asked 2024-him enough questions, don't you think? And he never did tell me enough answers. I know too much but blind at the same time._

_But I'll meet him again. So I guess I'll just pile up my questions the next time we meet. And maybe he can already answer all of it . . ._

 

 

**Fall 2015**

_Dear Future Keiji,_

_This is embarrassing._

_It's been eight months only and I don't think I can survive more without seeing Bokuto-san._

_I really feel lonely sometimes._

_But I will still wait. . . ._

 

 

**Winter 2015**

_Dear Future Keiji,_

_Do you remember when I told you that this is the stupidest thing our teachers had asked us to do? I'm wrong. There's something much stupider. And that's asking us to write to someone we don't know yet. That's pretty dumb, yes? And what's frustrating is that all of them are thrilled about the idea. I don't know but, it's frustrating to think that they can think of this activity as something fun and yet, for me, my chest always hurt whenever I think about someone I haven't met yet . . ._

 

* * *

 

_Dear Future Keiji,_

_End-of-the-term exams are approaching. So is graduation, it means. I'm not sure what to feel. But I really, really miss him now._

 

* * *

 

_Dear Koutarou Bokuto,_

_Just so you know, I don't have a choice about whom I'm writing to. And this is a graded activity, so sorry. And truthfully I'm starting to lose my patience in waiting. Why did you tell me two years will pass by in a jiffy? You're one big liar._

_And I'm not going to let you read this anyway. Even if you're actually the most perfect person for this letter: someone I haven't met yet. Well, I met you already, haven't I? But yeah, that's somehow cheating but whatever. At least I'm writing to someone, unlike them, who are all writing to their nameless future-child, future-lover, future-daughter . . ._

 

* * *

 

**UNIVERSITY OF TOKYO**

**Letter of Acceptance**

 

_Dear Mr. Keiji Akaashi . . ._

 

 

**Spring 2016**

"Have you packed everything, Keiji?"

"Yes, mum,"

"Be sure to call me when you get there, okay?"

"I will, mum, don't worry . . ."

 

 

**Summer 2016**

 

 

 

**Fall 2016**

_Keiji,_

_I take back everything I said before, okay._

_This is the stupidest thing ever._

_Writing to yourself when no one asks you to._

_But.. I just want to let this all out because.. I just need to, okay._

_I don't think I can still wait longer. I miss him so much every day. I want to see him already. I didn't even ask him what month I'll see him. Or what class. Or what building in the university. I don't know anything!_

_I tried searching him in facebook but no results came up. I guess we have no mutual contacts or whatsoever. I'm super close to actually searching his name in the student archives. This is so plain stupid. I'm going insane . . . ._

 

 

**Winter 2016**

 

 

 

**Spring 2017**

_Keiji,_

_Hi._

_It's already my second year in college._

_Time passes so slowly, yes?_

_Though some people actually said it is so quick. I guess if you're actually waiting for something or someone, time will really slow down for you._

_It's what happening to me right now, I think. It's like I'm trudging in wet sand, in how things are going._

_Slowly, slowly . . ._

 

 

**Summer 2017**

 

 

 

**Fall 2017**

 

**UNIVERSITY OF TOKYO**

**College of Fine Arts and Theatre**

**Mass Communication and Photography**

**PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB**

**Letter of Permission Request**

 

_Dear Mr. Keiji Akaashi,_

_Good day—!_

 

 

 

_**September 22, 2017; Bokuto—20; Akaashi—18 (turning 19)** _

"What's that?" Tsukishima asked. They were both lounging just outside Building A, reviewing for a quiz the next hour. Cramming was hard these days but it was unavoidable with Akaashi and Tsukishima's schedule this semester. It's pretty hard, but they both enjoyed it.

"What's that?" Tsukishima asked again, eyeing the letter peeking from Akaashi's backpack on the table.

Akaashi glanced at it. "Oh," he said, highlighting an important passage from his book. "It's from the Photography Club. Asking me if I can be their model or something," he shook his head.

Tsukishima whistled. "Good for you, then." He said. "I heard photography club has a lot of amazing guys this year. Pretty skilled for the University Gazette,"

Akaashi rolled his eyes, "Not that interested," he muttered.

"Oh, come on. Live a little," his blond friend chided. "You don't have to drown yourself in academics this school year. Everybody knows you can get a decent B without lifting a finger,"

"It's not that," Akaashi sighed, pausing to look at him across the table. "I'm just not really interested."

Tsukishima snorted. Then—

_Flash—_

_"Oh, fuck,"_

_"Well aren't you stuuupid? Turn the fucking flash off, dumbass!"_

Akaashi didn't move. Tsukishima turned to look. "I thought there is a letter of permission request?" He glared. "Why are those dicks getting your photos without your consent?"

Akaashi was too resigned to be interested. "Shut it, Tsukishima. Just let them be," he said without looking up from his book.

"Hmm," he heard his friend responded, murmuring. "But in all fairness, aside from the said skills, guys from the photography club are sort of.. eye-candies," he said. "Not these brats, though. The old ones. Met a few of them before,"

That earned an eye-roll from him. Whatever—

_Flash—_

_"You shit! I told you to fucking shut the flash off—! He'll notice us!"_

_"I'm not afraid of him, bro, I'm more afraid of senpai actually seeing us stalking him—"_

_Flash—_

_"Hey! Stop it already—"_

Akaashi's eye ticked.

"Well aren't you too popular?" Tsukishima drawled, head tipping up, lounging on his chair.

_Flash—_

"I can't take this," the blond muttered, moving to stand up. "I'm going to have a word with them—"

"OI YOU BRAINLESS GITS!"

Akaashi's hand abruptly stopped highlighting on his book.

His heart was suddenly on his throat again.

But—

That voice.

Could it be—

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"Feels like I'm standing in a timeless dream,  
of light mist, of pale amber rose;  
Feels like I'm lost in a deep cloud of heavenly scent,  
touching, discovering you."

ㅡ **Donna Lewis** , _I Love You Always Forever_

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"  . . . You dumbass!" A loud guy with weird hair has his back turned on them while shouting and scolding the first-years. "How many times we told you not to stalk people, ha!?"

"S-senpai! We're sorry! We're not going to do it again—AHCK!"

The senpai smacked the back of the first-year's head. "I'm going to confiscate this. It's not even yours, fucktard; it's club property, how dare you use it for leisure, stupid!"

"I'm sorry senpai—!"

"Excuse me," Tsukishima butted in. "Are these your kouhais?" He looked at the guy.

The guy looked at him. "Yeah, I'm sorry. Are you the one they're taking pictures of? I'm sorry man, they're just new; they don't know about the rules and—"

"It's not me, it's my friend." Tsukishima snorted. "But anyway, we'd really appreciate it if you don't—"

"Bokuto-san . . ?"

Tsukishima paused. When he turned, he was surprised to see Akaashi standing up, eyes shining and… was he about to cry? He looked like he's about to cry but, no; his face just looked a bit shaken. What's happening?

Bokuto-san, the senpai he's talking to with the wild hair and too-round eyes, paused as well. His back was still turned to Akaashi. He was scowling when he turned slowly; seemingly confused such an unfamiliar (and melodic) voice has called his insignificant name.

Then the guy staggered imperceptibly, scowl vanishing, when he saw Akaashi, who's slowly walking towards them. His friend's face was a puzzle. He can't fathom what Akaashi was thinking. It seemed like he was in awe. Nonetheless, Tsukishima heard Bokuto-san's breath caught. He almost rolled his eyes because, Yeah, yeah, he's very pretty, isn't he? Even straight dudes bend for that grace. Tsukishima propped a hand on his hip.

When Akashi was already near, Tsukishima muttered. "Do you guys know each other?"

No one answered him.

The two first-year offenders giggled beside him, elbowing each other. They shut up when Tsukishima stared at them.

"You are.. Bokuto.. Koutarou... aren't you?" Akaashi asked again.

He felt Bokuto went rigid. "I—I am?" he finally said, voice a mixture of wonder and confusion. "How'd you know my—?"

Akaashi held up a piece of white paper, smiling knowingly. It's the envelope of the club letter. "It's here,"

Bokuto blinked a few times. Then, "O-Oh," he shoulders sagged, but he seemed to be a bit.. disappointed? "Okay..?"

Akaashi smiled. His eyes were glassy. Tsukishima scowled. What the fuck was that lovesick sappy face? "It's nice to meet you already," he said. "I've been waiting," he whispered.

Bokuto cocked his head sideways, totally lost. "You mean for the club representative?" he scratched the back of his neck. "Well, yeah," he laughed, "But, I— I mean, I'm not.. ah.. I mean—" He didn't know what to say anymore, so he gruffly pulled the two first years near him and thrusted them forward, forcing them to bow deeply. "Apologize, you fuckers!"

"We're very sorry, Akaashi-senpai!"

"A-Akaashi?" Bokuto blinked at the dark-haired beauty. "Is that  _your_  name?" He turned to his kouhais. "How the hell did you know his name you dumbass—"

"Every one of us knows Akaashi-senpai, DUH—"

Bokuto smacked their heads again, pushing them out of the picture this time. Tsukishima's head was pounding; this guy was thrumming with excess energy, what the hell. But when he looked at Akaashi, he was still smiling.

"Oh, s-so, you're the model they're all talking about?" Bokuto said. His ears were pink.

Akaashi shrugged lightly, and then he offered his right hand, smiling radiantly. Oh, man. "Akaashi Keiji,"

Bokuto stared, the poor guy. "Oh. Umn. Hng— I-I'm not the club head or anything, you know, b-but— Bokuto Koutarou," he shook Akaashi's hand. "It's nice to meet you!" He grinned, still unsure of what's happening. Tsukishima wasn't sure either. "I'm not always around, though," he continued. "So I can't promise that we'll be working a lot but, I'm looking forward to it!"

" _Haah_?" Tsukishima snorted. "Not always around? Are you seriously bragging about slacking off?"

Bokuto's face turned tomato red. "No! I—I'm not slacking off! I never slack off! It's just—I mean— it's hard to control it—I mean— I can't  _entirely_  control it and—uh, how can I—"

"It's okay," Akaashi laughed lightly. Tsukishima raised a brow. "I understand," he said. "Everything's fine."

Bokuto looked grateful, so he grinned back, still red. "Thank you! Seriously! I appreciate it but.." he paused, fidgeting. "A-Akaashi-kun, yeah?"

Akaashi nodded.

"Akaashi-kun. This is going to sound  _very weird_  but.. like.. have you, like, met me before? I mean.. I dunno, it's just... you're looking at me like— you sort of know me..?"

Tsukishima shook his head slowly, sauntering away.  _Another one hopeless admirer. Good luck turning him down, Akaashi—_

"Yes," Tsukishima heard Akaashi said, smile obvious in his voice.

And— _huh_?

"And this is going to sound very weird and forward, too, but," Akaashi continued. "Do you like to talk it over some coffee? Or.. lunch.. or dinner?"

Tsukishima whirled around, seeing the two guys facing each other and, oh. They're still holding hands. It seemed Akaashi didn't let go when Bokuto shook his. What the actual fuck.

The older guy was flushed as ever; he was gaping like a fish. "I.. uh.. coffee.. or lunch or.. dinner..?" He said, dumbfounded. He seemed to be shocked at his own luck as well.  _"Like a date?"_

And Akaashi smiled widely, making some angels sing.

Tsukishima stared as well, shaking his head slowly.  _I'll be goddamned._

 

 

#### the rest of the letter;

**UNIVERSITY OF TOKYO**

**College of Fine Arts and Theatre**

**Mass Communication and Photography**

**PHOTOGRAPHY CLUB**

**Letter of Permission Request**

 

_Dear Mr. Keiji Akaashi,_

_Good day!_

_This is to inform you that you are chosen by the University of Tokyo Official Gazette – Photography Department to be our university male model and endorser for the year 2017. With that, we, the representative of the school gazette are asking for your permission and consent to be featured and photographed for this year's University Photo Book and Newspaper Magazine, along with the other university athletes and models who are also about to be featured in said photo book._

_We really hope for your kind response and consideration regarding this matter and we are all looking forward to working with you!_

 

Tamaki Nahara

_University of Tokyo Official Gazette – Faculty Head_

 

Sugawara Koushi

_University of Tokyo Official Gazette – Editor_

 

Yachi Hitoka

_Photography Club – President_

 

 

 

Tsukishima Kei stared at the letter he found on the base of Akaashi's bed.

He turned it over, searching for more writings behind the paper and even outside the envelope.

He frowned.

Bokuto Koutarou's name wasn't here.

"Fucker. How did he know his name, then?"

 

 

 

Days passed.

And days turned to weeks. And weeks turned to months.

Seasons changed as well.

And if before, Akaashi felt like time was getting slower every day, right now, it was the opposite. Sometimes he wanted to stop the time from passing. It was too quick, but too slow when Bokuto's not around. It felt like all this time, the Fates were actually just toying around with his concept of time.

Weren't they?

Maybe.

Because he actually met his future fiancé when he was ten, and when Bokuto was twenty-seven.

It's funny, when they told everything to Tsukishima. Kuroo knew about Bokuto being a jumper already, having known him since High School, but he admitted he thought Bokuto was just bullshitting him about a said boyfriend—until he actually met Akaashi.

"K-K-Keiji?!" Kuroo was shocked, seeing Akaashi in person. "Your name's Akaashi Keiji?!"

Bokuto had crossed his arms. "Do you still think I'm lyin'?"

Kuroo's eyes scanned Akaashi from head to toe, obviously surprised. "No, man. I mean—" He paused. "You're  _Keiji_?"

"Uh. Yes?" Akaashi looked at Bokuto for help.

"You're the one?!"

The jumper glared at Kuroo. "What's your—"

Then his friend slapped his back so hard, grinning. "Holy shit, man, that's Akaashi Keiji from the Gazette!"

Bokuto grunted. "Yeah, well. How many Akaashi Keiji do you know of? Of course he's—"

Kuroo swung an arm on Akaashi's shoulder, grinning. "Okay, babe, so let's see.. Do you happen to know any cute blondies out there that you can introduce me—"

"Stop flirting with my boyfriend, man—!"

 

 

Often times, 2020 and 2022 Bokuto would jump in their timeline. It's weird as fuck, as Tsukishima concluded, but it was fascinating all the same.

Sometimes as well, it's lonely. Because present Bokuto wasn't always around. But when Akaashi would start to feel neglected, Bokuto will always come back again, sometimes bringing souvenirs from different timeline.

"Isn't this sorta illegal?" Kuroo had asked once as he curiously examined an old coin from the 60s. "Ha, this is epic, you know. But you gotta be careful. You don't want meet some rogue samurai back in the hundreds, man."

"I've never been past '50s," Bokuto shrugged. "And yes, that's illegal. So shut the fuck up about it. I'm not planning on interfering with any historical shit, just so you know."

"Or suddenly stopping some infamous ninja from dying." Tsukishima added. "You should consider wandering Kyoto back in the primitive. I heard there are a lot of exorcisms and massive murders in the area before,"

"You are so fucking rude, man." Bokuto said. "And fuck you, I'm a fast runner."

Running and Volleyball were Bokuto's religion. He can't play officially for the team, given his time-jump-lapses but no one can stop him from running. Running was everything. (Apart from art, that is. He's always been so submerged in art—painting, photography, filming and even writing. Recently, he's taken a liking with sculpting. He has started with papermaking and clay last year, this time, he was moving to stone.)

But he'll always make time for running. He'll always prioritize fitness health.

"That's how I can survive," He said to Akaashi one night why he always liked running and Volleyball. "I can't survive jumping from timeline to timeline if my body is weak."

"Do you think you'll ever stop jumping?" Akaashi whispered to him, his fingers tracing Bokuto's bare chest and stomach. His head was pillowed on Bokuto's arms.

It's a long while before Bokuto answered. "I don't know as well," he admitted. "After I graduate I'll let them see what they can do."

"The doctors?" Akaashi said, a bit surprised. "That'd mean experiments, Kou,"

"Well aren't you too worried," Bokuto smiled, kissing the side of his boyfriend's head. "But, uh, no. Not that part. Besides, Kuroo said jumping is more in the head, you know."

Akaashi didn't answer.

"Oh, baby," Bokuto laughed lowly. "Don't be so sad; show me that smile, eh, come on . . ."

 

 

_**May 20, 2018; Bokuto—21; Akaashi—19 (turning 20)** _

The keys jiggled as Akaashi unlocked Bokuto's room.

No one's here, even the owner himself. Right. As expected. Akaashi was looking for his own pair of Nike and some boxers he left the last time he went here. It's all under Bokuto's bed, it seemed, so he crouched down and groped for it underneath. As he straightened up, though, he felt the air changing. So when he turned around, he's not very surprised to see Bokuto—a few years older than the present; a Bokuto from the future—standing in front of him.

Akaashi wasn't surprised at all; he was used to this now. What he's surprised about was this Bokuto's state.

He looked. Terrible. Awful. His hair wasn't gelled and spiked up either; it was down and limp against his head. He hasn't shaved. His shoulders sagged.

"Oh, Kou," Akaashi said, his heart twisting in sadness and emotions. "What happened?" He lifted his hands to brush the hair out of Bokuto's eyes, his thumbs caressing and touching his cheeks. "What happened, baby?" he said again, and Akaashi saw Bokuto's face crumpled at the sound of their endearment-name.

Bokuto touched the back of Akaashi's hand on his face, on his skin. Then he pulled the younger guy closer, kissing him hard. Pining and longing—

The air was shifting again, and suddenly, the bedroom door opened and Akaashi gasped in an empty kiss. His mouth was still raw and pink. When he turned, he found Bokuto—the present one—standing by the door, gaping. "Did I interrupt something?" Bokuto said.

A pause. Then, "He.. you.. just left," Akaashi said breathlessly.

"Was that.. just me?" Bokuto asked.

Akaashi shrugged, still panting a bit. "Who else, genius?" Then he laughed, rolling his eyes.

 

 

_**May 20, 2019; Bokuto—21; Akaashi—19 (turning 20)** _

It was almost a miracle to find out Bokuto was in the list of graduates despite all of his absences and barely-passed subjects.

But he did it. And Akaashi was bursting with pride and joy.

You can't always have it all, though. Because it seemed Bokuto wouldn't be able to attend his own marching ceremony.

"Where the fuck is that fucker?!" Kuroo had asked once, looking for him. They were still in the dressing room, waiting for Bokuto. He just disappeared a while ago.

Akaashi didn't respond. He's the one holding Bokuto's graduation cap and toga; he clutched it tightly.

It was Tsukishima who answered Kuroo, in the end. "The fucker was being a ninja in Edo era. Probably." Tsukishima drawled.

"Fuck," Kuroo cursed. Then the door of the dressing room opened. And a heaving Bokuto entered. He's wearing a t-shirt and a pair of owl pajamas. Akaashi blinked.

"I'm sorry!" Bokuto gasped. "Am I late?!"

"No, you fucktard. Change into these—hurry!" Tsukishima pulled him into decent clothes, while Akaashi tried to powder his nose.

"Where the hell did you come from, anyway?" Akaashi inquired as they were hurrying towards the venue.

Bokuto grinned. His hair was down again; there's no time to gel it up. "I'm just from next month." He said lowly, chuckling. "So when I jumped back a few streets away and realized this day is my graduation ceremony I'm about to miss, I just ran like the devil. Bare feet and pajamas and all." He paused, sighing. "Too bad, though. We were watching Netflix and making out when I jumped back,"

"Seriously," Akaashi shook his head disbelievingly, but laughing all the same.

And, seriously, Akaashi thought. How lonely it'd be for the future-Akaashi, being left alone with blue balls like that.

 

 

_**May 18, 2020; Bokuto—23; Akaashi—21 (turning 22)** _

The next year, 2020, it's Tsukishima's and Akaashi's turn to flip the tassle.

This time though, Bokuto missed the ceremony completely. Akaashi didn't think about it too much, afraid of being actually disappointed. But the truth was, he is.

Not disappointed, maybe. That's not the right word.

But more of sad. And dejected.

The whole ceremony, he kept looking around, half-hoping Bokuto would appear; either the present one or a future one. Any version of him that will remember that today was Akaashi's graduation ceremony.

He focused on other things, but it was still distracting, more that his parents were here. Even his Dad. His sister looked beautiful as ever too.

He wanted his family to meet him already. They knew Akaashi has a boyfriend; they were so understanding about it, that's why he thought it'd be fine for each party to meet.

But not today, it seemed. Bokuto wasn't here.

And he's not coming at all.

 

 

When days turned into weeks again, Akaashi began to worry. He's always worried, but this time, it's much heavier. Bokuto's absence was very present and loud. It always left a pang in Akaashi's chest.

Some nights, he can't breathe.

Some nights, he can't help but just cry.

But the worst nights were silent.

Because those nights, he can feel everything the most. Especially the numb longing.

Bokuto missed a lot of planned movie dates on May which Akaashi watched alone in the cinema house, eating popcorns all by himself. He also missed a lot of deadlines in his work. (Which the publishing company was lenient about. They knew about his condition. But they had hoped he can rush before the Christmas hols.) He also missed a lot of friends' birthdays on June.

When the last week of the month entered, Akaashi decided to go out his own again. That's what he usually did when Bokuto took longer to come back.

He took a lot of walks. He tried to paint or sculpt like Bokuto always does. (He can neither.) He went to film festivals alone. He tried drinking at a bar sometime before but Bokuto was mad when he found out about it so Akaashi never drank without company again. But mostly though: walks. It's silent and peaceful and calm, walking. It's almost the same as when they'd run together when he's here. Akaashi liked it especially on dawns.

When Akaashi started review school, Bokuto still hasn't come back. It's been two months. He's starting to feel depressed. Where has he gone off this time?

It's Tsukishima who rescued him. He forced Akaashi to come with him at this High School sports festival near Nagato. Maybe Tsukishima was feeling a bit guilty, Akaashi thought; watching him wait every damn day for someone from 2024 or whatever era, and not being able to do anything about it as a friend.

The festival was very colorful and bright, though.

It made Akaashi smiled a bit without the mask.

It's almost twilight and he's climbing on the rickety makeshift-Ferris Wheel with Tsukishima, when he felt it. The changing wind. The charged air.

The safety belt was snapped into place against his waist and the seat was moving up already when Akaashi saw himㅡstanding in the middle of an ocean of people, head hanging with his hair down again, curtaining his face. He saw a lady bumped her shoulder into him and he didn't even resist the force back. He was wearing a rumpled white shirt, making his shoulders looked like they're thin and weary but.. Did he actually look a bit thinner..?

"Kou!" Akaashi shouted, trying to stand up. A force weighed him downㅡthe seatbelt!

In one fast, fluid motion, Akaashi snapped the belt off him, standing up. Tsukishima shouted a cry of surprise when Akaashi jumped off, covering just a meter of elevation from the ground. He scraped his knees against the concrete when he lost his balance, landing a bit disgracefully. The people around him  _Oh_ -ed! but they helped him stand nonetheless, and he wasted no time to run towards himㅡ  _"Kou!"_

Bokuto turned, recognizing his voice. He was just standing there, not moving. His eyes were wide when they found Akaashi.

"Kou!" Akaashi shouted again, grinning like a maniac because  _he's here! My boyfriend's here! My boyfriend's here and he's back_ _ㅡ_ _!_

"Keiji!" Bokuto's voice was hoarse, as if he was crying, but he staggered, his feet carrying the momentum to run and meet Akaashi halfway the school quadrangle, upon the sea of many milling people and food-carts and booths alike.

Their feet pulled them forward, forward, like ocean tides, and when they collided, Akaashi was smiling and crying at the same time. "Kou!" He gasped, caressing Bokuto's face.

"Keiji," Bokuto breathed. " _Keiji_ ㅡ"

"I missed you!" Akaashi laughed through his tears. Their foreheads were touching. "Did you jump back? What year did you come from?"

"God, I missed you so, so much . ." Bokuto's hands were touching him everywhereㅡ his arms, his sides, his waist, his face. "I missed you so, so much,"

"I missed you, too," Akaashi said, still smiling widely. "It's 2020! Remember that time I haven't seen you for two months? Two months, Kou!  _Two months!"_

"Yeah," Bokuto's face crumpled in the memory; he looked down, "Yeah, I remember,"

"Hey, what's wrong?" Akaashi asked, frowning. He lifted Bokuto's face, looking directly in his eyes. "Are you okay? Is there a problem? Are we fighting back home?"

Bokuto breathed a laugh. His eyes were glassy. He's trying not to cry, but, "No, everything's fine," he assured, voice strained. "I just missed you, is all." He grinned. "Can you kiss me?" Bokuto whispered.

Akaashi didn't need to be told twice. He hooked his arms around his neck as he always did and kissed him through their tears for a long time. Again and again and again . . .

 


	3. PART III

###  **_sunsets_ **

 

"Maybe I'm dreaming you. Maybe you're dreaming me; maybe we only exist in each other's dreams and every morning when we wake up we forget all about each other."

―  **Audrey Niffenegger,**   _The Time Traveler's Wife_

 

.•:* *:•.

 

#### the man out of time;

Many people wondered how it must have felt like.

Did it feel uncomfortable? Did it feel weightless? Did it feel amazing?

The truth was, it felt dreadful. The first few years, at least.

A lot of times at first, Bokuto would jump unexpectedly back and will suddenly find himself falling in his face at a dark alley, puking his guts out, vomiting saliva.

Later on, he'd realize he landed in Japan back in 1984, or 1998, or 2005.

When he was a kid he was always crying when he would jump, especially back in the era his parents weren't even born yet. It was terrifying because he thought, what if I don't come back at all?

They tried narcotics and the likes. Mostly meds meant for schizophrenics. That was in the early 2000s though, back when the government has just discovered Chrono-Impairment. But then they realized it was all useless and just made everything worse so Bokuto just sort of.. gave up. He learnt to embrace his illness as time goes on (and back) and on (and then back again).

On 2017, he met a guy named Akaashi Keiji. He was gorgeous, for lack of a better word. And believe it or not, this glorious guy told him they are going to get engaged (and hopefully get married) in the future.

Right then, Bokuto can't believe his luck.

How could a guy like Akaashi become  _his_  in the future?! It's totally unfair for the rest of the world because truthfully, Akaashi deserved  _everything_. He's a good guy, and being tied to a jumper like Bokuto Koutarou was just.. so counterproductive, and a very idiotic thing to have happened for a guy like Akaashi.

He knew that leading Akaashi right on to the future he expected was bad. Bokuto knew that leading Akaashi in that future meant subjecting him in a lifetime longing and waiting and heartache.

He didn't want to steal Akaashi's freedom. Bokuto knew how hard it was being chained to time itself.

But Bokuto was one selfish man.

He loved Akaashi so much.

He loved this guy so, so much and he knew everything was unjust but he can't let Akaashi go. Not that easily. Not for anybody.

To be fair, Akaashi loved him equally deep as well. He knew this because they both knew that they were meant to be together. Fated. Destined. And maybe their first encounters with each other may seem to be so fucked up but who the hell cares? Not them. They wouldn't trade any single memory they have with each other to anything. Their love was as deep as the ocean; immeasurable, that even time cannot end or undo it.

"Make way, please! This is an emergency!"

Bokuto suddenly started at the shouting voices. The air smelled strongly of blood and antiseptics.

He jumped back again. And this time, he's in the hospital. Nagato Medical Center, it seemed. He was always in the hospital labs as well in the present time. But mostly for check-ups and laboratory examinations regarding his "disease".

"Senpaiㅡ! He's still not breathingㅡ He can't make itㅡ!"

He turned at the voice. It was familiar; and he found out that it's one of Akaashi's co-workers in Nagato. They were rushing a bloodied patient in the ER. There were lots of dark gore, and the scene looked depressing as it was terrifying.

Akaashi was on top of the patient, who was lying on the gurney. His cheek was smeared in blood. He was continuously pumping the patient's chest just to resuscitate him as they wheeled him quickly towards the double doors leading to ER.

"Call the surgeon nowㅡ! This patient needs operation urgentlyㅡ" was the last thing Bokuto heard before he felt the sensation in his gut which meant he's going to jump again.

He looked at the nearby digital clock as he slowly dissipated.  _This happened last week_ , he thought. And he smiled as he realized that Akaashi had told this story to him just a few nights prior. About a patient from a car accident. And that they were able to successfully save that patient, a five-hour-long operation after.

 

 

 _**04: 12 PM, July 22, 2012; Bokuto (from 2024)** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**13** _

"Bokuto-san, do you have a girlfriend back home?"

Bokuto looked at thirteen-year-old Akaashi. "Hmmm..." he said. Should he tell him now? Nope. Thirteen was too young. And Akaashi specifically told him he'd know everything on 2013. And besides.. girlfriend? Can Akaashi count as a girlfriend? He was more beautiful than any girlfriend Bokuto had and lusted before. But oh, whatever. "Yeah, I guess. I have. Why?"

Akaashi was silent. They were fishing in the river. It was summer break, so they usually spend time fishing or staying inside Akaashi's bedroom all day with the AC on. Bokuto didn't mind; it was summer as well back in 2024.

"Ryuuji and Kento said they are excited to have girlfriends when we reach High School."

"Uh-huh," Bokuto said, adjusting his fishing pole. "What about you?"

That was a rhetorical question. Bokuto knew Akaashi was having his "crisis" right this year. He didn't want to interfere in his decisions, really, but sometimes, he wanted to tell him,  _"You're going to be my boyfriend in the future, Keiji! Ha!"_  You know, just to be sure.

"You mean if I'm excited in getting a girlfriend?"

"Uh-huh?"

"Mm, yeah. Maybe." Akaashi said. He sighed. Then, "But, no. Not really. No."

Bokuto raised a brow. "Do you have someone you like now?"

Akaashi didn't answer quickly, "Yeah? I don't know."

Bokuto looked at him sideways.  _Oh-ho?_  "Is he in your school? What's he like?"

Akaashi snapped his head to look at him. "What do you mean? I'm not gay."

Defensive much? Bokuto just shrugged. "It's not a big deal in 2024 but, okay, whatever, what's she like?"

Akaashi was looking at him for a long time, face contemplating, then he turned away again, facing forward. His feet and bare legs were hanging and swaying above the calm river water. "Uh.. pretty. She's beautiful. And.. kind. Very... patient. And smart."

Bokuto felt like he's describing his own self in 2024. "What's her name?" Bokuto said, voice clipped.

Akaashi glanced at him. "Aira. Otagawa Aira."

Bokuto didn't know her. Akaashi haven't told him any stories about some crushes before Bokuto himself. He suddenly felt irritated. He snorted. "Whatever. Bet you some bucks she doesn't like you back."

"You're very supportive," Akaashi deadpanned. "And I'm not planning on asking her out. She's just pretty, is all. And she gave us some onigiri she made herself once. It's delicious."

Bokuto snorted again.

Akaashi continued. "And, her eyes are lovely. Gentle voice. She's very intelligent and.. er, professional?" He sighed. "She's so prettyㅡ"

 _SNAP_ ㅡ

Akaashi turned. "That's Ottosan's," he deadpanned.

And Bokuto looked down. He snapped the fishing pole he's holding in two. He didn't even realize his own violent actions. "Gah!" He shouted. "I'm so sorry! It's your own fault anyway! Humph!"

Akaashi was staring at him again. Then he sighed, standing up. He snatched the broken pole from Bokuto, shaking his head. "How's it become my fault?" He said, tone impassive.

"Hmmp!" Bokuto's nose was up in the air. He put his hands on his hips. "You know what, Keiji, you're too young! You shouldn't be hanging out with girls like that!"

Akaashi turned to look at him, eyes slitted. "You just told me before to get more friends."

"Iㅡ I did! But not like that!" Bokuto forced himself to relax. Jesus Christ. He's jealous of a girl he didn't know. And this is 2012. He shouldn't say things like this to young Akaashi. God, he's so childish. "Whatever," he said and Akaashi stared at him. Then after a while, he shrugged.

"Let's go home," he said.

 

 

 _**08:32PM, June 28, 2024; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**26** _

"Keiji, do you remember a girl named Otagawa Aira?"

Bokuto asked while Akaashi was perusing his old copy of  _Emma_.

"Why?" Akaashi said, looking over. He was sprawled on their couch. It was his day off and Bokuto always worked at home.

"Nothing," he said, lifting his boyfriend's legs as he sat on the far end of the couch, putting Akaashi's legs on his lap. "You mentioned her before, I think?"

Akaashi frowned, looking over his book. "Hmm... Otagawa... Aira... Otagawa... Otagawa.. ah! I remember her!"

Bokuto waited. "Who is she?"

"She's our homeroom teacher back in Middle School. Why?"

And Bokuto. Stared.

"What," Akaashi blinked.

Slowly, Bokuto took a deep breath. Then, he began to pull down Akaashi's shorts.

The younger guy blinked. "W-What are you doing?"

Bokuto pouted, but he continued to pull Akaashi's shorts and boxers off.

"Kouㅡ" Akaashi frowned. "What year did you jump from? Why are you suddenly horny? Heyㅡ Look at mㅡ  _Oh_!" He arched his back when Bokuto unceremoniously licked a vein on the underside of his cock. "Iㅡ _hng_! Kouㅡ Iㅡ" His book fell on the floor, and his hands found Bokuto's head. He pushed him lightly away. "Wㅡ wㅡ wait! Tell me first what this is all about!" He panted.

Bokuto pouted from his position. Then he peppered small kisses on Akaashi's inner thigh. "You made me jealous," he mumbled.

Jealous? Akaashi frowned. He never made Bokuto jealous. Not intentionally, at least. "Why would you be jelouㅡ  _AH_!" Bokuto's tongue suddenly lapped Akaashi's hole; his hands spreading the younger guy's legs and cheeks wider.

"It's okay," he felt him grinned against his skin. "Just make it up to me by screaming my name louder today, yeah?"

And, "Kou!" Akaashi moaned when he felt Bokuto rimming him again. "Kouㅡ you moronㅡ AH!  _Koutarou_..!"

 

 

#### their first date, maybe;

 _**2017; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**20 Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**19 (turning 20)** _

Bokuto still can't believe it.

A beautiful guy had asked him on a date.

The very first time they met.

_(Well maybe not for the first time, don't flatter yourself too much. The guy said he already knew you.)_

Bokuto snorted inwardly at his own thoughts.

The guy, Akaashi, had classes until five, so they agreed to meet each other outside the uni's South wing entrance for their "date" on five-thirty.

Bokuto was panicking. He borrowed some new shirt from Kuroo's wardrobe. He brushed his teeth twice (He's not very hopeful but you never know), and put on some cologne. He took time styling his hair as well, and when he's done, he looked at his reflection on his bathroom mirror and said gravely, "Don't fucking mess things up, man. Don't you fucking disappear in front of him,"

He didn't really want to mess this date. But Bokuto admitted, Akaashi made him nervous. There's something about him that was so.. intimidating. Or maybe that's just his beauty? God, the guy was so perfect. He's pretty sure he made a fool out of himself earlier. ( _Not_  for the first time but ugh, okay, point taken.) Bokuto was wondering how his future-self met this dude. He's also sure it's a future version of him that Akaashi met; Bokuto didn't know him yet in this timeline, so.

Akaashi took him to that diner a few blocks away from uni. It's not crowded so much that night, and Akaashi seemed to know some staff.

"You're always here?" Bokuto asked.

"Mm," Akaashi nodded. "Tsukishima works here on weekends." Oh. The feisty glasses-dude.

The silence was somewhat awkward for Bokuto while waiting for their food. (They both ordered some mushroom dish or something.) Akaashi kept looking at him. He was openly staring at Bokuto. Was there something on his face?

"So... I take it we've met before?" Bokuto bravely broke the ice when their food arrived. They began to eat slowly as they talked.

The other guy smiled as he nodded. He has a very beautiful smile. It made Bokuto's brain short-circuit for some reasons. "Yes," he said.

"I see. So. Uh.. you know I'm aㅡ"

"A jumper." Akaashi said, "I know. And this is really weird but I understand our set up. It's just that, all of the things I know haven't happened to you.. yet."

Bokuto blinked. Of course. "What year did I come from when you met me?"

"I'm not really sure, actually." Akaashi said uneasily. "But you almost always jump from 2024. It varies, though. Your visits aren't exactly chronologically aligned."

Bokuto nodded. "I understand." It was complicated, but that's the way it was. "2024, huh? That's, like, six, seven years from now, yeah? God, what will I look like, then? Am I already married?" He took a sip from his Coke, chortling slightly.

"Seven, to be exact." The dark-haired lad said, "And no, not married yet, I think. But I'm pretty sure we got engaged on 2024."

Bokuto turned his face away, violently spitting soda from his mouth. "What?!"

Akaashi blinked, not saying anything. Then, "Oh.. I'm.. sorry.. I didn't mean to surprise you, I'm just.." he looked down at his soup, biting his lip. "I'm sorry,"

Still coughing, Bokuto snatched some tissues on the table, dabbing it on his mouth. "Noㅡ Iㅡ Geezㅡ don't beㅡ butㅡ Are we really going to get engaged?!"

Akaashi looked up shyly. He's blushing faintly. "Yes," he said in a small voice.

And, wow.

_Wow._

How did Bokuto get so fucking lucky?! Fucking hell, he wanted to SCREAMㅡ

"So, you mean, we're.. like.. going to.. like.."

Akaashi stared at him for a while as Bokuto stuttered like an idiot. Then he turned his face away, grinning. His hand idly covered his mouth.

"What," Bokuto said. "Why are you.. like.. what?" His vocabulary left him entirely. Things were all blurred.

Akaashi laughed melodically, looking at him. "I'm sorry, it's just.. I'm not used to this. You've always been a bit more sure and confident before," he paused. "I mean, you  _are_  going to be more confident in the future, you know. I understand that it's still awkward for you."

Bokuto deflated. "Are you disappointed?" He asked. "Am I so different than the me you've met before?"

Akaashi stared at him with those eyes again. Then, "No," he smiled. "I mean, yes, you're different. But I like it. You're still you, so. It's not bothersome at all."

Bokuto pondered about this, frowning. But then he sighed. "I'm sorry, Akaashi-kun. If I'm not up to your expectations."

"Whatㅡ no! I'm telling you it's not like that! And besides, you've warned me about this. You told me you'll be clueless. And I have to be more patient."

Bokuto laughed lowly at that. "Well, isn't that so true?"

"Actually I was wondering why you didn't tell yourself about me. Surely, you've met your future self already, right?"

Bokuto nodded. "Yeah," he said. "But I don't do that. I don't spoil myself in my own life, except for big and important matters. I don't even want myself hanging around near me."

"Oh," Akaashi nodded. He was silent for a while, and then he shifted for a bit. Suddenly, he grabbed Bokuto's hand over the table. Bokuto jumped lightly at that, surprised at the guy's forwardness.

"Is this okay?" Akaashi said, sounding hopeful. "I mean, I.." he breathed in deeply, leaning forward. His eyes scanned Bokuto's face and the older guy was stunned. He didn't move when Akaashi's other hand came up to touch his face, thumbs skimming his cheekbones. "I'm sorry, I'm just.. I missed you." He smiled, eyes shining. "The last time I saw you was two years ago. January 2015. You told me I'm finally going to meet you in the present at Tokyo University so I did my best to get in. You made it impossible for me to look for you in the present time. It's kinda frustrating; but the wait is all worth it."

Bokuto almost couldn't understand a thing. His brain was a mush. Akaashi's fingers on his face were so distracting. "But.. you.. I suppose my future self already told you things. Because, well, you already know I'm gay, andㅡ"

"You told me you were straight. But then you said 'realization will strike me on 2016' and you told me everything's gonna be fine but you know what, when I think about it, you must've been quoting me, quoting yourself," Akaashi giggled.

Bokuto smiled lightly at that. This was all so weird, and it must've been awkward, indeed, considering he just met Akaashi this morning and they're already getting touchy like this andㅡ

"I see," Bokuto said, "But Akaashi-kun.." he gulped. "For the sake of my weak heart, can we.. take things slow and.. pretend that this is just a first date of two normal people?" He paused. "I mean, it's not that I don't want you being like, you know, touchy like this but, just, I think I'm going crazy refraining myself and I actually want us to talk things through and.."

Akaashi got it. He detached himself from Bokuto slowly and gently before leaning back his seat. He didn't look offended or anything at all. He's even smiling. "I understand. I'm sorry again," he said.

Bokuto let out a small sigh of relief. Then, "Okay, so, tell me more."

"What do you wanna know?" Akaashi said, sipping his drink and turning a fraction of his attention back to his food. Bokuto did the same as they carried on with their conversation.

"Um. Everything. How did I come up to you the first time we met?"

Akaashi's eyes glinted, smiling coyly. "Not that. I want that for you to be unrehearsed in the future."

"O-kay?" Bokuto said, crossing his arms on his chest. "How old am I when we met? You said I usually came from 2024, right? So, like, 27?"

Akaashi smiled.

"So what do we do? When we see each other, what do we always do?"

The younger lad cocked his head on the side, thoughtful. "I've known you for a long while. Almost eight years, I think." He said. "So the things we do actually change depending on my age."

"Depending on your age?"

"Mm," Akaashi nodded. "When I was twelve, we used to play Volleyball a lot. You said I'm going to be a good setter and all so we practiced a lot in my parent's backyard, and that went on even through High School."

"Did you become a good setter?" Bokuto smiled.

"I think so." Akaashi smiled as well. "You said my tosses were perfect,"

"Okay," Bokuto said. "We'll have to test that some time," he said. "So, what else? I mean, what about yourself? I mean, I'm sorry, what's your first name again?"

"Keiji. You always call me Keiji."

" _Keiji_ ," Bokuto tested, and he seemed happy that name actually fitted in his own mouth. "But, do you mind if I call you Akaashi for now? Again, just for the sake of my weak heart."

Akaashi laughed at that and, God. Bokuto was so smitten already. What the fuck was happening? "Of course." He said.

"So, hmm. What else, huh?" He paused. "What's your favorite color, Akaashi-kun?"

"Blue,"

"What music do you listen to?"

"Anything which isn't too weird and too loud."

"You have pets? Dogs? Cats?"

Akaashi shook his head, smiling. "Nah. I like owls, though."

"Really? Me, too!"

"I know," Akaashi grinned.

"Favorite food?"

"Nanohana, with, uh, karashi mustard dressing."

"Ooh. You like cooking?"

Akaashi smiled. "I guess. You said I'm good at it."

Bokuto nodded, humming. "And, uh, what else.. odd hobbies? Weird kinks and fetishes?"

"Find out for yourself,"

Ah, this guy.

He's going to kill Bokuto.

The older guy breathed a short, strangled laugh, watching Akaashi's eyes glint mischievously. "Say, this is weird..but.. did my future self and you.. Like, did we.. actually.. somehow... got.. a bit.. um, like..  _physical_ ㅡ"

Akaashi tried to look away as he innocently slurped his Coke. Slurping sounds filled the air around them when the contents became low. He  _was_  blushing. Then after a long silence, he spoke. "Bokuto-san. Uh. Your roommate still has that collection of DVDs in your dorm, right?

Bokuto blinked. "How did youㅡ" he paused. "Actually.. yeah. Kuroo collects DVDs and shit."

Akaashi looked at him expectantly.

Bokuto gaped. What.

What?!?!?!?!????????

What was he supposed to do!?

"I," Bokuto started.

Should he ask him?

_Should he ask him?!???????_

Oh my God, Bokuto was sweating. "Do you wanna watch a movie?" He just blurted out."Back at my place? Kuroo's gone for the night and... you know. Just wondering, if.."

"Yes," Akaashi said easily. As if that's what he actually expected. Maybe that's what he actually expected. "I'd love to,"

They paid the check immediately.

Bokuto took Akaashi back to his place.

It didn't take them more than an hour in the movie they've chosen until Akaashi jumped on him. And Bokuto wasn't actually complaining.

Butㅡ God, how can one be head over heels for someone in less than twenty-four hours?

 _Like this,_ Bokuto thought _. Like this._

 

 

 _**07:12 PM, Nov 08, 2024; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**25 (turning 26)** _

"Keiji! Are you sure you're supposed to leave it like this?" Bokuto shouted from the kitchen.

"Just let it be for a few minutes," Akaashi shouted back.

"But it will get burned!"

"Just lower the fire!"

"Ohㅡ Roger that!"

Akaashi was teaching Bokuto how to cook. Or trying to, maybe.

It was their anniversary, and Akaashi wanted to celebrate it at home. Besides, truth be told, he still wasn't feeling well from that severe case of flu (with added stress and fatigue) he suffered from, a few days ago. Bokuto didn't know. He was gone the entire day he was sick. Tsukishima was the one who mostly took care of him. He even made Akaashi some soup.

It was going to be a simple but romantic night. Akaashi's supposed to be the one cooking, but Bokuto insisted to "help" so he left him with the steak.

And.. he has a giddy, weird feeling for tonight, actually.

Since Kuroo (not-so-imperceptibly) asked for the size his ring-finger a few days ago, Akaashi thought, Oh. Is he finally going to propose?! It's that year already, as he remembered. 2024. And shit, he felt so excited.

He was just decorating their small dining table in the kitchen when he smelled something burning. He frowned, propping a candle on its stand.

"Kou?" Akaashi called out, slowly padding towards the kitchen to see what's happening. "I told you to lower the fire..."

No one was in the kitchen.

It took Akaashi a few moments to realize what had happened. Then he went to turn the stove off, rescuing the half-burnt steak on the pan.

He still set table, though. Waiting for Bokuto to come back. The night was still early, and he can still wait until later.

 

One hour passed.

He turned some music on so he won't get bored or antsy, some Dreampop band from the West Akaashi liked. The English was simplistic yet deep. Some even hit home.

He finished the band's ten-track album.

Two hours.

Three.

Four.

He lost his appetite afterwards.

But then he knew Bokuto will chastise him about not eating at all.

So he ate.

He ate alone. He even lit some candles. He poured himself some white wine. He re-played the same band's album.

He was chewing his food mechanically and the third song was re-playing when the silent, anguish tears came. He wiped it away quickly though, continuously eating. He even finished everything, with only the music and the candles keeping him company.

Lame, he thought. He shouldn't have expected that this was going to be the night he's been waiting for. He should've been used to this, being left out and let down. He's in love with a jumper, for goodness' sake! What did he expect?

But maybe, his mind and body were already used to being left behind.

But his heart will never be, apparently.

 

 

 _**04:18 PM, Dec 06, 2024; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**26** _

The door leading to the kitchen opened, revealing Akaashi bringing a paper bag of groceries. He began stacking them in the fridge and pantry.

"Hey," Bokuto said to him, standing by the sink. He just got back from 2015.

Akaashi didn't look up. "Hey,"

Bokuto blinked. "Did I miss.. something?"

"No,"

He looked at the calendar. December 6..?

 _Shit_. He's gone for two days.

"Keiji," Bokuto started. "Iㅡ"

Akaashi turned to him, thrusting a packet of pills and a bottle of rattling medicines to him. "Kuroo asked me to give you those," he said. "Those were the new meds. He said you can continue with the same dosage, just once a day. They're still not sure how effective that is but it's probably better than Xarafin." He turned away again. "As long as you're not sticking to neurotic meds, you're probably fine."

Bokuto looked down at the new meds in his hands.  _Vymexine_. He nodded. He was still jumping a lot these days but hopefully one day, these meds will cure him.

He was about to turn away to keep the medicines in their room when he noticed something. "Where are the condoms? And lube?" Akaashi always bought condoms and lube whenever he did the grocery shopping.

He didn't answer. Then, "I don't think we'll need it more these days," he murmured.

"What? Why?" Bokuto frowned.

Akaashi still didn't turn. "You're always jumping back since mid-year. I don't think it's wise to.. get engaged in frequent sexual activities if you're almost always gone,"

Bokuto paused.

 _Almost always gone._  His heart constricted.

"Besides," Akaashi continued, "You're in medication. So it's really not advised toㅡ"

"I see," Bokuto said. He understood, really. And it's going to be perfectly fine if it's just the sex. But it's not. "Look at me," He said lowly.

Akaashi paused, sighing. He ignored him, and turned to continue in stacking some grocery items againㅡ

"Keiji," Bokuto said, "Look at me," he caught his arm. His grip was firm but still gentle.

Akaashi wouldn't.

"I'm sorry," Bokuto whispered. "I'm sorry," he said. "I'm just.. I'm sorry. This isn't the first time this happened, I know, but I feel like an asshole for missing your birthday andㅡ"

Akaashi snapped his head up, finally looking at him. His eyes wereㅡ "My birthday.  _Your_  birthday. Our anniversary. My promotion party. That double date we've planned with Tsukishima and Kuroo ages ago,"

Akaashi's face was devoid of any obvious emotions. He's good at that, but it's Bokuto he's talking to. And Bokuto never felt this fucking  _useless_  in his entire life.

"Sometimes I wonder if I'll die without seeing you for a long time again,"

The words felt like a slap.

Bokuto felt a small amount of crippling fear surged up in his chest.

"Don't say that," Bokuto's teeth gritted. "Don't fucking say things like that,"

"Why?" Akaashi said, "Because it's true? That I might actually  _die without seeing you_  if the time comes?" His voice was starting to shake. "Oh, but wait a moment. We still don't know that. You haven't jumped into the future. But you know what, I'm going to bet that that's what's going toㅡ"

_"I said don't fucking say things like that!"_

It was imperceptible, but Akaashi did flinch. And after that, there was silence. He looked down at the floor. "Get your hands off me," Akaashi whispered.

Bokuto was having a hard time controlling his breathing. But he did release Akaashi after a few seconds.

"I'm sorry," he said lowly, losing his grip.

Akaashi didn't answer, but he pushed past Bokuto, exiting the kitchen.

 

 

Bokuto didn't know what to do. It was his fault. But it was also not.

_He didn't fucking know what to do._

He felt like a jerk. Once he actually planned on making up with Akaashi but before he can step outside their apartment to go to the hospital, he felt himself dissolving. When he looked around the next moment, he saw child-Akaashi playing Volleyball in their backyard. Resigned, he sat on the patio, feeling awful and wanting to go back already in the present.

But he has no choice, has he?

He never had any.

 

 

It was a week after the first time Bokuto had raised his voice to Akaashi in their kitchen when Bokuto already plucked up the courage.

He didn't think.

He just went to the hospital right when Akaashi's shift was ending and when Akaashi saw him waiting outside the lounge room, the younger lad didn't say anything.

Tsukishima whispered something to Akaashi then he walked off, leaving the two alone.

Bokuto reached out to get Akaashi's extra bag containing his shoes and bloody uniform. Akaashi let him.

 

 

The train ride home was silent. Neither spoke. It was when they're already out the station and a few blocks away from their apartment when he grabbed Akaashi's arm gently again, coaxing him to a halt.

"I'm sorry," He said again. "I don't know what else to say. I'm so stupid. Don't be mad anymore, please. I can't stand it."

Akaashi looked away. "I'm not mad."

"You are, though."

"I'm not." Akaashi said. "I just…"

"Then why can't you look at me?" Bokuto said. His face was so… open.. and  _broken_. "Keiji,"

Slowly, Akaashi locked eyes with him. He scanned the other guy's face. "It's just.. hard. Seeing you one moment then the next, you're gone."

There's a crack. Right in the middle of Bokuto Koutarou's heart.

"Are you getting tired?" He whispered. "Are you getting tired of me?"

Akaashi's eyes were shining. When he blinked, tears fell. Down his cheeks. Slowly, slowly. Streaming down his face.

"I'll never have the heart to get tired of you, Kou," Akaashi said. "Even if you're always leaving me behind."

With numb hands, Bokuto pulled Akaashi to him, enveloping the guy in a hug. "Marry me, then." He said. "Marry me, Keiji,"

Akaashi didn't answer immediately, but Bokuto felt him trembling in his arms. "You nimrod," the guy sobbed, and his next few words were a bit garbled that Bokuto asked him a few times to repeat it:  _"I thought for sure you're not going to propose anymore!"_

 


	4. PART IV

###  **_shadows_ **

 

"Being with you and not being with you is the only way I have to measure time."

―  **Jorge Luis Borges**  

 

**.•:* *:•.**

 

 _**11:46 PM, January 12, 2025; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**26** _

_"Bro! We have good news_ _ㅡ_ _! Bro!"_  (11:46 PM)

 _"Shit, man, you wouldn't believe this! But, Shimizu-san said_ Zefxin _is a success! Do you understand me, bro?! It means you can get fucking cured! Fucking finally, man! Shit, this is freaking us out! The whole team is whooping here in the labs as I'm sending this to you and it's the middle of the night . . !"_  (11:59 PM)

 

 

_**Nov 21, 2020; Bokuto (from 2025)—28; Akaashi—21 (turning 22)** _

Bokuto re-appeared in front of an old record store. He was wearing some ratty t-shirt and decent jeans spattered with dried acrylics and gauche—a combination whenever he was working in his studio. He has a pair of old Toms on, but the cold from the snow was still seeping from under his soles. Back home, he was about to polish an Athenian stone sculpture. Athena was his favorite muse (apart from his own fiancé) maybe because the goddess also liked owls like Keiji and him.

"Oi," a voice called behind him. When he turned. It was his said fiancé. Akaashi Keiji. He looked younger. Radiant. Beautiful. He was wearing a nice-looking scarf and beanie—which he plucked off from his own head as he strode over, placing it over Bokuto's hair instead.

"Hey—you'll get cold," Bokuto started saying, frowning. Akaashi's hand grabbed his, and he dragged him forward, walking.

"I have a scarf," Akaashi muttered, not looking at him.

"Where are we going?" Bokuto asked.

A heartbeat. "Coffee," Akaashi answered. "You told me yesterday we'll see the results together."

Results? "What results?" He was confused.

"The results. Of the licensure exam."

And—oh. Was it that year? "Ah," Bokuto said, then he fought a grin. "Okay."

Akaashi was silent, still dragging him along. He glanced back at him momentarily. "What year you're from?" He inquired. "You already know the results in your present, right?"

Bokuto was taken aback by his fiancé's tone. He realized it's because Akaashi was actually nervous. "Ah.. 2025," He said. "Quite a busy year, actually."

"Hm," Akaashi nodded. "Why?"

 _Because we're already planning for the wedding next year. And the gallery opening this fall._ "The gallery." He finally said, not wanting to jinx out the wedding by bragging it out loud as well.

When they stepped inside a warm, dingy coffee shop, Akaashi was quick to find a booth in the faraway corner. He still looked nervous but as always, he's trying to stay level-headed and calm.

"Okay, so." Akaashi was turning on his iPad, searching the results list in the browser. "I know this is all so stupid. Because I can just ask you if I passed or not." He said, filling up his lungs. "But, as I'm sure you know, I'm so fucking nervous right now I can't think straight." He paused. "Did I pass the exam?" He looked at Bokuto directly. His eyes were glassy.

It wasn't easy, keeping a straight, passive face. He didn't want to ruin the anticipation and excitement. "Just look at the results, Keiji." He sighed.

" _Kou_ ," Akaashi looked like he was about to cry, still not looking at the results.

Bokuto glanced down, refusing to say anything more.

Akaashi gnawed his bottom lip, but he looked at his iPad, breathing in through his nose.

He scrolled down a few times, fingers idly moving on the small screen. Then when he stopped, he has his eyes closed. "Please, please, please, let my name be here," Akaashi muttered.

Bokuto propped his cheek on his palm, an elbow on the table. His other hand was absent-mindedly stirring his coffee. He was definitely smiling now. Oh, he loved his fiancé so much. He's so cute when he's flustered or nervous.

When Akaashi opened his eyes and looked at the screen of his iPad, he paused. Then he breathed out a nervous exhale. "Oh my God," He put down his iPad on the table, covering his face with his hands.  _"Oh my God,"_

And Bokuto slammed a hand on the table, abruptly standing up— "Hey hey heeey!" he shouted loudly, grinning. The other customers inside the shop turned to look at him, surprised at his outburst. "My boyfriend is already a registered nurse!" He said, proud and ecstatic. "He's freakin' amazing!"

The on-lookers seemed to understand what's happening, so they all clapped their hands and shouted words like  _Congratulations!, Good job!_  and  _Amazing! Really amazing, yeah!_

It took Akaashi a while to uncover his red face. But when he stood up from his seat, he was already smiling. "Thank you so much!" he shouted, bowing deeply to all the people around him. "Thank you so much!"

Bokuto clapped as well, still smiling widely. And right when they exited the coffee shop, Akaashi kissed him on the cheek. "I really appreciate it!" he said.

"Only on the cheek?" Bokuto pouted.

And Akaashi grinned, kissing him full on the mouth this time.

 

 

#### the future;

Zefxin  _was_  working.

It's a relief, really. And all thanks to Shimizu Kiyoko, the head doctor of the team who was handling Bokuto's case of Chrono-Impairment. The experiments and everything were sponsored by the government. It's reasonable, since Bokuto was a rare and very "problematic" case for everyone else as the higher-ups concluded. So they did everything they can do to help heal Bokuto—or, according to some, "to finally stop this ridiculousness that will wreck human civilization". They're not exactly wrong, all right. Bokuto wouldn't dare interfere into anything, time-wise. But he's not the  _only_  bearer of the disease. There were a total of ten jumpers recorded in Japan as of 2024. But among them, Bokuto was the fittest—not too young, not too old—for the lab experiments and other cell extractions and such.

Besides, he'd get to be cured first. And fortunately six years later, all those experiments and researches they did were a success. Thank all the saints for the goddess Shimizu Kiyoko.

Now it's been a year and three months since he started taking Zefxin.

It was March 2026.

Fall last year, Bokuto opened his own gallery. He was also given a Photo Journal book deal by the publishing company, which's what he's working at, at the moment.

Akaashi was doing perfectly great at Nagato as well.

Kuroo and Tsukishima finally moved in together.

Things were considerably perfect.

Sometimes, Bokuto would still jump back, but not so frequent like before. He can actually enjoy his jumps now, knowing it's not going to eat a lot of his present time anymore.

And of course, that meant more quality time with Akaashi.

It's been a year as well since he proposed. Both agreed to proceed with the wedding spring this year. And.

Oh, geez, wow.

Bokuto was going to get married.

His dreams were finally going to come true.

On top of that, he's going to marry Akaashi.

Akaashi, of all people.

Bokuto would admit he's just a fucked up man with too many time-related problems and shit. So he actually has no idea what kind of luck he has to have Akaashi landed as his  _fiancé_. Jesus Christ.

 

 

Bokuto was just about to take the 10 PM train on his way home (he can't drive yet; Akaashi said it's still too early to be confident) when he suddenly felt the hot and cold sensation in his gut again.

 _Ah_ , Bokuto realized. Then he dissolved.

It was noisy where he landed. The air smelled somewhat of waffles. When he turned around, Bokuto blinked. There were many people wearing yukata. Nighttime. There was music from somewhere.

 _Summer festival?_  He thought. What year was this?

"Excuse me," he asked two young girls in matching yukatas, eating cotton candies. "May I ask what year is it?"

The girls looked at each other, then they giggled.

"2026," one of them said, still giggling, "Are you from the future, mister?"

Actually, yes, Bokuto wanted to say, but then he frowned. "2026?" He said. "But. This is summer festival in Migara, yeah?" It was the same shrine he and Akaashi usually went to on New Years. The festival was annually held every last week of August.

They nodded. "Yes," they smiled. "Why? What year did you come from?"

"I—" Bokuto started. "Thank you." He said. "Thank you for the information," he said, and he walked away.

2026? August 2026?

It meant Bokuto jumped _forward?_

He paused, taking in his surroundings. _Oh, hell, yes! This was amazing—!_

"Kou!" someone called him.

He'll recognize that voice anywhere.

Surely, it was Akaashi. Waving at him from across the street. He was also wearing a yukata. He was glowing.

Bokuto grinned, and he waved back. "Keiji!" he shouted back.

Then—

There was a flash of yellow blinding light, just near Akaashi.

Then there was a stray ball, rolling across the street.

" _Mama! My ball—!"_

It was too late when Bokuto realized it.

When the truck screeched and crashed, the noises around them started to get frantic.

" _Oh my god, the kid! The kid! Get the fucking kid—!"_

" _The kid's fucking safe! There's a young man over there—! CALL THE FUCKING AMBULANCE!"_

" _Mamaa! Mamaaa!"_

It was chaos.

But Bokuto can't hear a thing.

One moment he was standing across him.

Then the next moment he was—

" _Keiji!"_  Bokuto gasped. He was running towards the scene. There were many people; but he managed to get to him."Keiji!"

There was a lot of blood. Bokuto crouched down, afraid to touch anything, afraid to see if his pulse was still—

"Oh, god," He sobbed. This can't be happening. He touched his bloodied cheek, then his neck and his pulse—

" _Get out of the fucking way! The ambulance is here—!"_

Bokuto could feel the warm blood soaking his jeans and the soles of his shoes. The smell of iron in the air was thick; and there were too many people wailing and murmuring around.

_"Young man, get out of the way please—!"_

But before he could stand up from his crouch, Bokuto felt it again. Hot—cold—hot.

He looked down at his hands. It was disappearing. He looked up, around, then back at Akaashi's pale face, at his arms at his body at his hands at his fingers. "Keiji," he sobbed one last time. Then he was gone.

 

 

 _**12:01 AM, March 06, 2026; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**28; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27** _

There was a weird choking noise coming from the kitchen.

Akaashi got up. Bokuto hasn't come back yet.

When he turned on the lights, Akaashi was surprised to see his fiancé: bloody, trembling and choking in his tears. He was crouched on the floor; his hands were on his hair. He looked distraught.

"Kou!" Akaashi cried. "What happened oh my god are you hurt?! Whose blood is—?!"

Then Akaashi was suddenly caught in a bone-crushing hug. He can't breathe.

" _Keiji_ ," Bokuto sobbed. " _Keiji . . ."_

 

 

 

 

 

Bokuto wouldn't tell.

It's been a few days.

Akaashi still didn't know what Bokuto saw when he jumped that night.

 

 

 _**07:18 PM, March 15, 2026; Bokuto** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**28; Akaashi** _ _**ㅡ** _ _**27** _

"What do you mean you're calling off the wedding?" Kuroo said, aghast.

Bokuto was standing by the window. It was raining outside. He crossed his arms as he overlooked the city lights outside Kuroo's office.

"Dude, you can't do that. It's only four weeks away! And what the fuck's your problem!? This is Akaashi we're talking about! You  _are_  obsessed with the guy for  _years_ —"

"I jumped forward," Bokuto said, voice lifeless. Kuroo halted.

"What?"

He looked up. "I jumped.. forward," he said again.

And, "What do you fucking mean?"

So Bokuto told him. Everything.

 

"So now you want to call the wedding off?" Kuroo said. "You still don't know what's going to happen—"

"He's got no pulse already before I was gone." Bokuto said, closing his eyes as he relieved the memory. "I just can't—"

Kuroo didn't know what to say. "So just like that, you're going to give him up?"

Bokuto shook his head slowly. "There are  _two_  rings stacked on his finger when the accident happened." He said. "It means we're already married,"

Kuroo didn't answer at first. "You're still not sure if you can change things this way. Don't be fucking stupid—"

"What are you going to do?!" Bokuto snapped. "If you're in my position,  _what the fuck are you going to do?"_

Kuroo looked down.

"I can't stop the festival from happening." Bokuto continued, sounding broken. "We can't even tell anything to him until the festival ended, it's dangerous. Kuroo, it's always the _avoidance_  that gets things to happen in the first place but I can't just stand here and wait for him to die like that!" He breathed in a lungful of air. "This is the only thing I can think of. I just have to leave him alone. Maybe significant things will make significant changes, too. I don't know,"

"But, Bo," Kuroo said lowly. He sounded tired as well. "You'll _ruin_ him,"

Bokuto turned away, looking at the window. When he answered, his voice sounded hollowed.

"That's the way it has to be."

 

 

 

 

 

Akaashi quit his job in Nagato.

Everybody has seen this coming, since Bokuto had called off the wedding six weeks ago.

It was the last week of April. Akaashi didn't have the strength to get all his things in their shared apartment. So right now, he was staying back in his parents' house—his childhood home in a quieter part of Tokyo, away from all the scandals of broken relationships and called-off weddings.

 

It was unbearable, the pain.

And to think that he had lived his life knowing what pain actually was, by surviving those moments when Bokuto was gone or far-away. Missed-out occasions. Broken promises. Heartaches because of long distances and time and dimension.

But Akaashi was wrong.

He was so damn  _wrong_.

He didn't know what pain actually was.

He didn't know what pain actually  _felt_  like—until that evening, when Bokuto told him that he's not in-loved with him anymore.

 _"Why?"_  Akaashi's voice was just above a whisper. He's trying not to let the tears escape. He's not going to cry. He's been crying all his life. He didn't want to cry anymore.

A shrug. "I'm just... I dunno. I'm not daunted about the wedding, if you think that's what it's all about," Bokuto had said. Akaashi can't see his face then. He didn't want to look at him. "But, I think.. eight years of this relationship is enough. It's been tiring for the both of us, I guess."

And, right then, Akaashi didn't want to give up. He never wanted to give Bokuto Koutarou up. He loved him all his life. Akaashi can't even remember a time when he's not so in-loved with this fucked-up-man-of-a-jumper he had met when he was just an eleven-year-old kid.

But—

"I'm tired," Bokuto finally said. He looked up. And Akaashi believed him. "I think I'm not in-love with you anymore, Akaashi-kun,"

 

 

#### the voicemail of Bokuto Koutarou, one week after the supposed-wedding day;

_**Today 4:00 AM,** _

"Kou. It's me. Are you busy? We need to talk again. Please. Call me,"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 2:43 PM,** _

"Bo. Kei would've called you but he's pretty busy, work and all. He said to tell you Akaashi's fine. Heㅡuh, got a bit drunk last night. But Kei and I helped him got home. He's staying here, just so you know. We didn't know his parents' address, so.

"Look, this may sound a bit crass but, you can at least text him. UhㅡI think he misses you. Obviously. He's crying for you last night. I'm not saying this is your fault. I just thought you should know."

_Beep_

 

_**Today 3:00 PM,** _

"Bokuto. I received the file. But I thought you'll swing by the office today? Are you okay? Konoha told me not to worry. But text back, okay?"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 7:54 PM,** _

"Bokuto. This is Tsukishima. I heard Tetsu left you a message already but I'm just making sure. Akaashi'sㅡfine. I mean, he's physically fine, all right, butㅡ

"Look, I don't know what the fuck's going on, but Tetsu's always telling me it's not your fault. I mean, what the hell? I don't know anything but I'm pretty sure you and your best friend is up to something.

"And he told you already Akaashi was rushed to the hospital earlier this week, right? You know him better than we all do. He doesn't care about anything at all anymore to the point that he's gonna wreck himself. You should just try to explain to him what's happening. It's not a hard thing to do right?"

"Call him back. I'm begging you. Christ."

_Beep_

 

_**Today 9:30 PM,** _

"Bokuto-san. This is Shimizu. Are you feeling fine? I wasn't able to answer your call earlier because I'm in a meeting.

"Are you okay? Is it about the meds? Or about.. someone else? Call me back if you feel like talking. You're still my friend."

_Beep_

 

_**Today 12:45 AM,** _

"ㅡWhy won't you reply? Just text back, you moron! It's been a month! I wanna talk to you, goddammitㅡ"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 3:47 AM,** _

"Are you pissed already? I'm sorry for texting you so much. I just want you to reply. I miss you, Kou, Iㅡ"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 4:12 AM,** _

"Okay, I'm not sorry. You should be the one who has to say sorry you motherfuckingㅡ"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 5:01 AM,** _

"I still love you,

"I don't know what did I do. Don't you miss me? I don't care if you don't care about me anymore, I just want us to talk, Kou. I justㅡGodㅡI hate cryingㅡaghㅡ"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 11:56 AM,** _

"Taiga here. I received the file with the raw photos. Good work as always, Bokuto-san. ButㅡerㅡKonoha told me to ask you whether you're fine or not? Because, you didn't show up here at work today and yesterday as well, and I guess they're going to go there at your place after workㅡ

Whaㅡehh? Am I not supposed to tell that? I'm so sorry!"

_Beep_

 

_**Today 12:13 PM,** _

"Bokuto. What the fuck are you moping for? I thought you're the one who called off the wedding in the first place, you fucker?

"Are you still breathing? This is Konoha, anyway."

Beep

 

_**Today 1:23 PM,** _

"It's Konoha. I'm sorry for that message. That's insensible of me, hah. Just. Stay alive, okay? Jesus, I don't know what am I saying I'll just hang upㅡ"

_Beep_

 

 

 

 

Everything was fucking ridiculous.

Bokuto wanted to laugh out loud.

What a pitiful life he has.

 

 

He jumped back again. Twice. Back in 2014 and 2018. Akaashi was sixteen and nineteen. Bokuto must've looked odd for the young Akaashi: sad, depressed and moping.

But somehow he was relieved.

The younger Akaashi looked happier.

And that's the only thing he's holding on to right now.

 

 

**November 2026**

Tsukishima and Kuroo visited Akaashi in Takayama mid-November. It's already snowing, but not the kind that sticks to the ground yet.

"How are you?" Tsukishima inquired.

Akaashi had smiled, but his eyes lack luster. "I'm doing fine." He nodded. "I've been working at a clinic nearby. Less stress compared to Nagato, you know," He laughed.

Tsukishima and Kuroo both nodded. There was an awkward silence. Then Akaashi spoke again. "So… how are... _things?"_

Tsukishima's eyes snapped back at him. Kuroo just bit his lip, looking down. It was the blond who answered. "He's.. I mean, things are.. doing _fine..?_ I guess." Tsukishima sighed, giving up. "I heard his jumps were getting less and less frequent lately and—"

"He's not doing fine," Kuroo blurted out. "He's _not_ doing fine. Not at all." He looked at Akaashi. "Not after that night."

Akaashi wanted to laugh. Why did it matter now?  _He doesn't love me anymore—_

He exhaled a short bitter laugh, shaking his head. "It doesn't matter anymore—"

"He didn't want you to die." Kuroo blurted again.

What?

"He jumped forward once. And he saw you being involved in a car crash by saving a kid whose about to get hit by a truck. He called off the wedding because he saw that you're already wearing the wedding band when the accident happened and he—" Kuroo paused, looking down. Then he stood up, only to bow so lowly in front of Akaashi. "I'm so sorry Akaashi! In behalf of my best friend as well, I'm so sorry! Bokuto loves you so much. He loves you so much he even called off his own wedding just to keep you away and safe until now—"

Akaashi can't understand some of Kuroo's words. He was crying so hard his chest was heaving dry air and tears and he was sure he's going to black out.

Tsukishima was also in shock. "I'm so sorry, Akaashi-kun," he whispered, coming closer at his side when the guy broke down. "I'm so sorry.. I'm so sorry . . ."

 

 

_**07:08 PM, Nov 12, 2026; Bokuto—29 Akaashi—27 (turning 28)** _

Snow was falling.

Initially, Bokuto liked the cold. He always used it as an excuse for cuddles and sex.

These days though, the cold weather just felt like a harsh whiplash in his whole body. It wasn't nice, after all, the snow. Bokuto realized he fucking hated it when it snows.

There was a knock in his door.

He frowned; he's not expecting someone. Who will be visiting him in a lonely Sunday night like this..?

When he opened the door, his heart stopped. It was Akaashi.

Akaashi. Dark curling hair. Mesmerizing eyes. His nose pink because of the cold.

He was wearing a scarf. The blue scarf Akaashi himself gave to him when he was eleven. Which was returned to him again when he was twenty-six.

Bokuto must be dead.

This was how angels should look like. Beautiful and perfect. Standing in front of him.

But, wait.

Angels shouldn't be crying. So why was he—?

"Is it true?" Akaashi said. There were fresh tear-tracks on his face. "Is it true that you didn't call off our wedding just because you don't love me anymore?"

What was he saying?

What was Akaashi doing here?

"Kou!" Akaashi reached out, shaking him. "Answer me," he sobbed. "Is it true that you only did that because you want to save me?"

And Bokuto just—

His eyes widened.

He lost it, really. He's been good at keeping it altogether for  _months_. But then this guy will just come barging in and, _ah._

Akaashi Keiji will always be his weakness, all right. Always and forever.

"Kou!" Akaashi was still crying, shaking his shoulders. "Answer m—"

"I'm going to kill Kuroo," Bokuto muttered before pulling Akaashi to him face first and he kissed him; he kissed him and they were kissing again and he was touching his face, his sides, his arms, his hair.

He tried to send the apology through their kisses and his tears. And, "Shh," Akaashi said when the door behind them closed, leaving them in the darkness of the empty house. "I forgive you," Akaashi breathed. "Just kiss me,"

And they collided once more.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

"You thought we'd lost it all,  
and so did I;  
Even if I lost you,  
I would feel the same;  
I will love you,  
'Til they take my heart away,"

 ㅡ **Clair Marlo**

 

 

 


	5. PART V

###  **_you are my spring_ **

 

"Magnus exhaledㅡfor a moment he no longer felt ill, or afraid of dying, or even angry or bitter. Relief washed over him, as profound as sorrow, and he reached up to brush the cheek of the boy leaning over him with the back of his bruised knuckles. Alec's eyes were huge and blue and full of anguish.

"Oh, my Alec," he said. "You've been so sad. I didn't know."

ㅡ  **Cassandra Clare,**   _City of Heavenly Fire_

 

**.•:* *:•.**

 

Oftentimes before, Bokuto wondered why Akaashi hadn't told him many stories about his future self, past 2026, visiting him in the present. Now he knew why. His jumps were most active and frequent around the year 2022 until 2026; (the most carefree year was 2025; his hardest ones were late 2024 and mid 2026—the time their wedding was called off and Akaashi moved back with his parents in Takayama) but when 2027 came, his jump-lapses simmered down due to Zefxin.

He'd still jump, every now and then but it was less sporadic and random. And it lasted only for a few minutes.

It's March 2027. Bokuto wouldn't forget this time of the year. It was the time he decided to call off their wedding because of some unfortunate-future-circumstances. He didn't want to think or talk about it now. The only time they ever talked about it was the morning after Akaashi barged in Bokuto's door in November after seven months of separation, and that private talk they had with Kuroo and Shimizu a few days later, discussing it thoroughly.

"But as you said, that's the only time you jumped forward, is that correct?" Shimizu had clarified to Bokuto.

"Yes," Bokuto nodded. "And to be honest, I realized I don't want to jump forward ever again." Akaashi held his hand.

"But Bo, if you think about it," Kuroo had said, "That one jump-forward saved Akaashi. Imagine if you hadn't seen that accident happening and you got married, and everything led to that future you saw. Akaashi would be.."

"I know," Bokuto's brow furrowed. He didn't want relieving the picture. It wasn't just a picture to him. It was a memory. He experienced it first had. He saw Akaashi died. "I know that,"

"Dude, you can save the world!" Kuroo marveled. "Holy shit, you can stop wars! You can save people! You can change the futu—"

"Which is exactly the most  _wrong_  thing here," Shimizu interjected. Bokuto and Kuroo paused. They both looked at the bespectacled woman. She was looking at Akaashi. "Do you understand what's happening, Akaashi-kun?"

Akaashi's face looked blank, but his eyes were foreboding. He nodded slowly.

Bokuto squeezed Akaashi's hand, and then he scowled at Shimizu. "What are you saying? You mean it is wrong that I saved Keiji?"

Shimizu looked down. She filled up her lungs, gaining momentum. Then her eyes snapped back at them. "It is  _not_  wrong to change the future. The future varies, after all. We have hundreds, thousands, millions of future waiting for us. Man has free will. We all have different choices, so the future depends on the decision one will make."

They were all looking at her.

"But then," she continued. "In the law of time and dimension, no matter how much the future changes.. no matter how much everything bends or twists, there is only one thing that should remain constant in this universe we're all in:  _balance and equilibrium_.

"Bokuto-san, your illness, Chrono-Impairment is a result of imperfect and imbalanced cell generation and inertia. It is a phenomenon that no one, until now, knows the origin of, but somehow, the resulting effects would be your chromosomes' automatic malfunctioning and seeking of its respected quantum equilibrium. Thus, your body surpasses time nets and dimension. In our words, you  _jump_  back or forward, depending on the energy your cells lack or seek." Shimizu paused. "In a different perspective, but less mind-boggling explanation, we also have Newton's Third Law,"

"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction." Kuroo interjected.

Shimizu nodded. "That statement on the other hand, means that in every interaction, there is a  _pair_  of forces acting on the two interacting objects." She said. "That law branches out from a different angle, you see. But still, they all have one original point and consistency: there is always  _balance_."

It was cold. The only sound that can be heard in the room was the low humming of the air-conditioner in Shimizu's office.

Then it's Akaashi who spoke. "It means… I'm still going to… d—?"

"No," Bokuto. "No, fuck that.  _No_. That is fucking horseshit,"

Shimizu looked at him, not saying anything.

"I don't care about whatever time law or whoever fucktard that invented that law, okay?" Bokuto stood up from his seat, quite startling them all. "I  _am_  the one who jumped. I saw it firsthand, and I'm fucking telling you, it happened last August, in the Migara festival. I even asked two girls about the date that night! And that night has already passed in our present time without Akaashi dying, so it means we changed it already. It didn't happen, and it won't happen ever again—"

"It won't happen ever again," Shimizu said, her voice firm. This woman was very professional. Bokuto looked up on her. She's a good doctor, a good advisor. But before all of that, she was a  _friend_. So her eyes wavered, too. Her voice trembled a bit. It was clear that it's hard for her to say the next words out of her mouth. She liked Akaashi as well. "It won't happen ever again because the 2026 Migara Festival has already passed." She continued. "But as I have stated earlier: we have  _millions of future_  waiting for us; and there's nothing constant but equilibrium. Akaashi might've escaped the accident on 2026. But since you disrupted the balance—the very fact that he's going to die—time will find its way to get even. To be equal. Maybe not in a car accident like what you saw. But in water. In fire. In a disaster—"

" _What kind of a fucked up thing are you saying?!"_ Bokuto shouted. His voice rang. Kuroo and Akaashi almost jumped. "You're supposed to be a friend! And now you're saying Akaashi's going to die somewhere, somehow? That's all bullshit! You're all bullshit, you know? Fuck you!"

Bokuto was shaking in rage, and before anybody can say a word, he turned on his heel and exited the office, slamming the door behind.

 

 

 

Akaashi didn't move. He was still looking down.

"I'm sorry, Akaashi-kun." Shimizu whispered, before she broke down into tears. Kuroo came over her side, patting his senpai's back. "I'm sorry, Akaashi-kun. I didn't mean to say all those things in such a…wrong manner. I didn't realize Bokuto will get mad, I'm so stupid—"

"It's okay," Akaashi stood up in front of her. She was seated on her revolving chair. A wide desk sat between them. "I understand everything. It's… hard, as you know, but." He smiled, bowing lowly. "Thank you so much for your honesty, Shimizu-san!" he said. "I will never forget this until the end of my time..!"

 

 

**February 2027**

"  _. . . your sister said she likes to be the one baking your cake that's why she's practicing so much these days. And, god, the mess she'll always leave in the kitchen!"_

Akaashi laughed at his mother's voice from the phone between his left ear and shoulder.

"Mm, but I've always liked her chiffon cakes. They're not bad at all, so I guess it's fine," He said.

" _Yes, yes,"_ his mum said _. "But I just hope she can be a little less messy. And the stove and oven are all brand new..!"_

He laughed again, flipping the pancakes over in the pan. It was a perfect fluffy golden brown.

"Keiji..? Is there coffee..?"

He turned lightly at the sound of his fiancé's groggy voice. He can hear his footsteps padding towards the kitchen. "Oh, hey, Mum, I gotta go. Kou's awake, and I'm actually cooking pancakes. We'll visit you there soon, okay?"

" _Hmm. By 'we', you mean with your boyfriend?"_

"My fiancé," Akaashi clarified, smiling. "Come on, mum. It's been ages. Forgive him already!"

He can totally hear his mum's eye-roll through the connection.  _"Oh well, you can't blame us, dear. Even your father wanted to use that shotgun of his for the first time in a long time when you ran back home to us saying the bastard canceled the wedding—!"_

Akaashi cringed at the memory. The kitchen door opened. "Keiji..?"

"I really gotta go, mum! The pancakes are burning!" He said with a smile, then,  _click._

"Mm, is that pancake?" He felt Bokuto nuzzled his face on his bare shoulders. "I love pancakes,"

"You love everything I cook," Akaashi laughed lightly.

"True," Bokuto agreed, smiling. He wounded his arms around Akaashi's torso. Bokuto was wearing boxers only.

"Aren't you cold?" Akaashi said, still focused in the pancakes. All of them were perfectly-cooked. "Put on some shirt at least. And some socks."

Bokuto didn't answer; he was still sleepy. He just tightened his hold against the other guy. Then, "I love you," he mumbled.

Akaashi let out a small smile. "I know," he said. "I love you, too." He breathed. Then he perked up, "Oh, mum just called."

"Mmhmm?"

"Yeah. She said Mari's been practicing her cake-baking skills. Mum's frustrated. My sister's not the tidiest one in the kitchen, you know. But I was wondering.. you think red velvet is okay? Or carrot cake..? Or vanilla . . . ."

That morning was perfect, Akaashi thought.

Even the pancakes were perfect.

His potted-daffodils in their small front lawn bloomed.

There weren't so much action in the ER today. Many of his patients were recovering and doing good.

And today was Bokuto's Photo Journal book's release date.

Akaashi was happy. They were all happy. There were a lot of things surely foreboding but right that day, everything was perfect. And to him and Bokuto, nothing mattered but that fact.

They continued living and surviving through one belief and motion: live each day as if it was the last.

So no matter what happens, there were no regrets.

Now Akaashi always smiled his most radiant smile, so everybody would know he's happy.

He always told Bokuto he loved him, whatever they're doing, whenever, wherever they were, as long as he felt like saying it out loud. He told him that he will continue loving him, everyday.

He learnt how to paint and sculpt properly, concluding it's not actually difficult at all, since it's Bokuto who was teaching him.

Akaashi taught Bokuto how to drive, but he never let him use the car without him.

He went back to Nagato, where he truly wanted to continue his job.

They bought a pet dog. A little energetic Dachshund puppy they named Makko.

Even Bokuto made up with Shimizu-san. They apologized to each other, but no one acknowledged again whatever they're apologizing for.

It has become a beautiful life, everyday.

No regrets.

Akaashi loved fully. He smiled and did everything in his 100%.

 

 

_**11:58 AM; Feb 28, 2027; Bokuto—29 Akaashi—28** _

"Today's the release of Bokuto's Photo Journal book, right?"

Akaashi turned at the inquiring voice of his favorite friend, Tsukishima Kei. He smiled. "Yeah," he said. "You're going to the party tonight, right?"

Tsukishima shrugged. "I don't like parties," he admitted. "But Tetsu's going. So I have no choice."

"Oh, come on," Akaashi glared good-naturedly, bumping their shoulders together. He slammed his locker close. "You always act like that. Cheer up," he said, crouching down to tie his shoe laces.

Tsukishima sighed, then he regarded Akaashi carefully. "Say, Keiji," he started. Akaashi's fingers paused. He can feel Tsukishima behind him. "But… I just wanna ask," he continued, "How do you… continue living so…  _happily_? With the fear of being…." The blond's words trailed.

For a moment, Akaashi didn't say a thing. Then his fingers moved again, finishing up his shoe-laces. When he straightened up to face Tsukishima, he was smiling his beautiful, confident smile.

"I eliminate the fear." He said simply. Tsukishima stared at him. "I eliminate the fear by living on while giving my one-hundred-percent every time. I love fully. I do what I wanna do. I tell people I love them. So that in the end, there were no regrets." He paused, laughing lightly. "I know what you mean. But nothing will happen if we all sulk, yeah? And besides," he hooked his arms around Tsukishima's shoulders. "Who will ever be the buoyant one between the two of us if I get too depressed? The patients here will have a fit, eh, Kei?"

Tsukishima blinked at the sound of his first name. He fidgeted while they're walking away. "That's… the first time you ever called me by my first name," he mumbled.

Akaashi laughed. "Well, that's also the first time you called me  _Keiji_ , you know," he said. "Anyway, I'm hungry. Ah, geez, I think I want some pizza. I hope something's good in the cafeteria . . ."

 

 

_**05:30 PM; same day** _

The people in the front lobby in Nagato were getting antsy.

There was some kind of construction going on in the entrance of the hospital, near the ER. It was noisy and loud—the patients were having trouble resting.

"How many days do you think will that last?" Yuki, a fellow-nurse stationed today at the reception asked Akaashi and Tsukishima while they're both clocking out upfront.

Akaashi glanced at the bulldozers and crane loaders outside. He scrunched his nose. "Dunno," he said. "But I hope they finish whatever they're doing. The patients are getting uncomfortable."

"I know right," Yuki agreed. "Anyway; you two are clocking out already? I thought you still have an hour to go?"

"Bokuto has this party or whatsoever in his office," Tsukishima supplied.

"Oh," Yuki perked up, looking at Akaashi. "That photographer-sculptor-artist boyfriend of yours? Ooh. Lovely. When are you going to get married?"

Akaashi smiled shyly. "Soon," he said. "We'll let you know, though,"

Yuki nodded. "You better," she showed up her own wedding band on her ring finger. "Getting married is fantastic. The first few months after is a dream come true. Ooh-la-la," She winked, taking off her wedding band and grabbing Akaashi's left hand. She put her band stacked on top of Akaashi's engagement ring, testing it. "See? Even your hands are perfect for marriage!"

Akaashi laughed, examining the two rings stacked on his ring finger. Then—

"Akaashi-san!" A child's voice called.

He started, recognizing it. He quickly turned around to see the owner of the voice. It was a little girl.

"Akaashi-san!" The child called out again.

"Mina-chan!" Akaashi grinned, waving excitedly. "What are you doing here?" he jogged towards the girl.

Mina-chan has become one of Akaashi's favorite patients before. She was diagnosed with Osteosarcoma and was forced to get tied to a wheelchair for the rest of her life after the doctors cut the entirety of her legs.

She's still young, but she's one of Akaashi's favorites because she never gave up. She's one strong girl and that touched Akaashi's heart.

"I told mama I wanna visit you!" Mina said, smiling widely from her wheelchair. "And I saw on TV your boyfriend's Photo Book!" She thrusted a small bouquet of lilies in Akaashi's hands. "I recognized him from the picture you showed me before!"

Akaashi blushed as he took the flowers from her. "Thank you, Mina-chan," he smiled, kneeling in front of the child. "I'll let him know you gave these," he said. "But you know what? He's even more handsome in person,"

"Really?" she giggled.

"Yes," Akaashi winked. "I'll let you meet him one day, yeah? Anyway, are you doing fine? Your therapy sessions going alright?"

The child nodded enthusiastically. "I'm also learning the violin, Akaashi-san!" she said. "One day when I grow up and became good at it, I'm going to play for you!"

Akaashi smiled, glancing up at the child's mother.

"Akaashi-kun, would you mind if you stay with Mina for a bit? I just need to talk to her doctor for a minute," The mother said.

Akaashi nodded. "Sure, ma'am. It's my pleasure. And I actually missed Mina as well. We'll have to catch up while you're away," Akaashi said, looking over at the front lobby. It seemed Tsukishima and Yuki were still chatting.

He wheeled the girl outside the hospital, just by the front garden along the highway; away from the noise of the construction. It's not snowing these days, but the snow on the road had already turned to thick glossy layers and puddles of ice.

"Are you cold, Mina-chan? We can go back inside," Akaashi said, looking at the thick glass walls of the hospital's façade near them.

The child shook her head. "It's okay, Akaashi-san. I like it here. I don't go out and see the sun much when I'm home. It's boring. And I like the cold and snow."

Akaashi smiled. Such an optimistic child, liking the harsh cold.

"Oh! Akaashi-san! Did you get married already?"

Akaashi was surprised at the question. He laughed lightly. "I—not yet, honey. Why'd you—?"

Mina grabbed his hand. "You have two rings!" Mina said excitedly. "My teacher also has two rings! She said the one is for a promise and the one is for the wedding!" She said. "I think it's pretty! I can't wait to get married, too!"

It was then when Akaashi realized.

He's wearing  _two_  rings stacked on his ring finger.

And somehow, Bokuto's image: bloody, trembling, distraught and crying on the kitchen floor surged up in his mind.

His phone rang. Distracted, Akaashi pulled it out of his pockets. It was Bokuto. He blinked, shifting. And—

There was a skidding sound. Like car tires drifting against the asphalt.

Then there were screaming. And when Akaashi turned, he saw a massive white van skidding uncontrollably  _towards_  them, about to crush him and the little girl and—

_Mina!_

He didn't think. He's given no chance to think, actually. But Akaashi was sure that even when he can think, he would still do what he has done.

He can't stop the collision; he can't protect the girl. So in a nanosecond before the rear of the van hit them, Akaashi pushed Mina's wheelchair away, sending her flying and out of the point of impact.

 

 

There was pain. But not so much.

He believed he had endured enough pain in his life to be able to tolerate this kind of physical agony.

But it was still painful nonetheless. Especially in his chest and ribs and skull. He can feel his head and heart pounding, as if sensing that it was only minutes away before they stop altogether.

He was lying on his back. And somehow, he could still hear his phone ringing. He tried to move his head, glancing at his side, and he discovered that he was lying in a pool of his own blood. There were glass fragments as well, littered everywhere. And it smelled bad, something burning, like rubber.

His phone was still ringing. It was lying face down on the floor, a foot away from Akaashi's head. It survived the impact as well, it seemed. Good. At least that's one less casualty.

He tried to reach it, barely able to move his fingers. Those didn't hurt. They were just numb. But then it stopped, the ringing of his phone. And Akaashi halted as well.

He moved his head again, facing forward. He can see the hospital lobby's high ceiling. Did the collision crush him against the glass walls of the edifice? God. He didn't want to think how much of his guts were spilling out. Some action in the ER again, he guessed.

The fluorescent lights glimmered above. Glitter was floating around him.

 

It has been a perfect day, since he woke up.

He had a nice phone chat with his mum. His sister was finally learning how to bake. It seemed his Dad has finally forgiven Bokuto, at last. Tsukishima had called him Keiji. Bokuto's Photo Journal has finally launched. And Mina-chan was recovering very well.

It's all perfect. On top of that, he did all of his duties in his one-hundred-percent.

No regrets, he thought.

But then again, like all other things you thought you knew, Akaashi was so damn wrong.

He thought if he did everything—every single thing ever—in all his one-hundred-percent: loving Bokuto whole-heartedly; being the best nurse, best friend, best son, best person anyone could ever be; he thought everything's going to be fine. He thought for sure when the time comes, he can pass on with zero regrets.

But. He realized that there will still be a lot left.

He regretted that he wasn't able to marry the person he loved in the whole wide world in any dimension, time or space.

He regretted that he wasn't able to see him finally drive a car on his own.

He regretted that he wasn't able to try his sister's cake, no matter what flavor it turned out.

He regretted that he wasn't able to adopt a baby girl, whom he and Bokuto can call their own as they watch her grow up, and then go to school and then carve her own life.

There were still many things that he would've regretted at this point. But Akaashi can just stare at the far ceiling above him.

He's getting sleepy as well. And he wanted to finally close his eyes.

 _Please, let me dream of him forever_ , he thought, as his vision blacked out, and the noises began to surface.

 

 

 

**September 2027 (7 months later)**

Wearing a nice grey tux, Bokuto Koutarou was sipping his third glass of champagne in front of a massive black-and-white photograph art piece. There were many people around him, fussing, chatting. Some were taking photos of the artworks displayed. Bokuto ignored them all. He kept drinking and staring ahead, one hand buried in his slacks pocket.

"Hey," a voice said beside him. It was Kuroo. "Quite a lot more people these days, eh?"

Bokuto didn't answer. His friend was referring the people milling around his gallery. It was his birthday, and he just released a few new art pieces a few days ago. It was a shock and a hit at the same time. Nobody expected him to create more pieces and release them for display these days. It's only September, after all. Too soon.

"We… didn't actually expect you to release new pieces." Kuroo said, amplifying everyone's thoughts. His tone was unsure.

It was a while before Bokuto came up with a reply. "Yeah," he said, nodding. "I know that's what everybody expects but... there's a saying, you know.  _What's bad for the heart, is good for art_. And I'm pretty sure this is what he'd like for me to do."

Kuroo looked down, sighing. He got a champagne flute from the passing waiter, staring at the same photography piece Bokuto has been looking at. "He looks good in there," Kuroo said after a while, nodding.

Bokuto smiled a bit. "Yeah." He agreed. "Such a waste if the world can't see it, yeah? I don't wanna be selfish in those kinds of things,"

Kuroo hummed, smiling as well. He took a sip from his flute. "So… you've been visiting him lately?"

There was silence. Then, "Yeah." Bokuto said. "But not so much these days. I've been quite busy. Mari is always there, though. His sister,"

Kuroo nodded. Then his next words were careful. "Is he still… unresponsive?"

Bokuto took a sip. "Mm," he said. "Still unresponsive."

"I…heard his parents are… planning on taking off the Life Support System?"

Bokuto didn't reply.

"It's.. just… it's been a few months, Bo. Nobody expects him to wake up anymore."

Bokuto suddenly shifted, looking at him. His eyes were livid but—he didn't look mad, at least. "I'm sorry?" he said. "I  _do_  expect him to wake up  _soon_ , Kuroo. I'm not a nobody."

Kuroo was the one who didn't answer this time. He ducked his head lightly, ashamed at the meaning of his own words. "I'm sorry," he said.

He was about to walk away when Bokuto spoke again, eyes back at the art piece. "It's just seven months," he said. "It's just seven months, you know. That's so…  _little_  compared to the time he's been waiting for me in the past,"

Kuroo didn't know what to say.

"Keiji, he's... he's been waiting _all his life_ ," Bokuto shook his head slowly. "And for me it's just a few months. Don't you think I'm so lame if I can't wait for him to wake up for only a few months?"

"This is different," Kuroo said. "The doctors said there's only a five-percent chance that he'll wake up againㅡ"

"I'll hold on to that five-percent chance, then." Bokuto said, voice sure and firm. Then he swiveled his head, staring at Kuroo straight in the eye. "I know he'll wake up. I'll wait no matter how long it takes."

Inwardly, Kuroo sighed. Nothing will convince Bokuto at this point. And he can't blame the guy, really. He's also waiting for Akaashi to wake up.

"Let's all wait, then," Kuroo nodded, eyes staring back at the photograph art piece in front of them: Akaashi's black-and-white candid faces in four rectangular panels; one smiling, one sleeping, one glaring, and one laughing. "Let's all wait."

 

 

 

_**11:18 PM; September 30, 2027; Bokuto—30 Akaashi—28** _

It was past eleven when Bokuto finished cleaning up their bedroom. He was still not very good at it, cleaning, but he was learning.

He visited Akaashi in the hospital earlier that day. He brought new daffodils to replace the dried ones in the vase. He also read him another chapter of  _Emma_. Bokuto knew Akaashi loved that book, no matter how "too classic" it was for Bokuto's own liking.

He's not getting any better, to be honest.

Akaashi was still as unresponsive and brain dead as ever.

Mina, the little eight-year-old girl he saved from the car accident, was also always visiting. Last August, she played Canon in D Major—the very first piece she learnt—in front of sleeping Akaashi. Mina played the violin, a friend of her accompanied her with a massive keyboard.

Akaashi's mother cried, and said that she's sure Akaashi liked the performance as well.

As a goodbye, Mina asked her mother to wheel her closer so she can kiss Akaashi on the cheek. She whispered something in his ear after, and Bokuto saw the kid smiled secretively.

"Thank you for visiting him," Bokuto said to Mina and her mother before they climbed the cab. He helped them wheeled Mina down the hospital's front. "We really appreciate it,"

"Mmm—hmm" Mina shook her head. "Akaashi-san saved me. If my doctor would let me, I'll visit him everyday until he wakes up!"

Bokuto smiled at her. "That makes two of us, kiddo," he said to her.

Then, "You know what, Bokuto-san. Akaashi-san's right."

He blinked.

"You're more handsome in person," the girl grinned. And they left Bokuto with a smile on his lips and a pang in his chest.

 

 

He was just stacking the last few old boxes of their things in their cabinet when Bokuto noticed a small shoebox peeking out from under Akaashi's side of the mattress. Curious, he lifted it up, and took the box out of its hiding.

He shook it before opening, and inside, there were  _letters_. A lot of them.

He clawed through the yellowing-envelopes, and he discovered they were mostly addressed to one person:  _Future Akaashi Keiji._

He laughed lightly. Seriously, though.

Bokuto opened a few of them, and found out that they were just mundane diary-letters a High School boy would've made.  _Dear Future Keiji, This is the stupidest thing my High School teacher has ever asked us to do, don't you think? Writing a letter to your future self. I don't even understand what they want us to write but I guess I have no choice . . . ._

He snorted lightly, sitting comfortably on their wooden bedroom floor as he perused through the old letters.  _Dear Future Keiji,_   _End-of-the-term exams are approaching. So is graduation, it means. I'm not sure what to feel . . ._ Bokuto smiled. This one's year 2015.

Then he came to a one letter addressed to a different name:  _Bokuto Koutarou._ He stopped. He's not sure if he should read this, despite having it addressed to himself. But, fuck everything, okay, he tore up the envelope and read it.

 

_Dear Koutarou Bokuto,_

_Just so you know, I don't have a choice about whom I'm writing to. And this is a graded activity, so sorry. And truthfully I'm starting to lose my patience in waiting. Why did you tell me two years will pass by in a jiffy? You're one big liar._

_And I'm not going to let you read this anyway. Even if you're actually the most perfect person for this letter: someone I haven't met yet. Well, I met you already, haven't I? But yeah, that's somehow cheating but whatever. At least I'm writing to someone, unlike them, who are all writing to their nameless future-child, future-lover, future-daughter._

_But you know what? I think I want a daughter someday. Do you think we'll be able to adopt? I hoped you like a baby girl, too. Like, we can also have a baby boy but I want a daughter first, you know. And besides, girls are more level-headed than boys. So I figured it's going to be much easier to have a daughter… Oh I'm getting ahead of myself. I don't even know if I'm going to see you in university. But, hopefully, yes, because, well, it'd be too hard for us not to meet at all in the ways we expect, yes? I mean, the future is weird. It can change, so I know it's not yet sure that I'm really going to meet you again, but you know what? I was thinking these days.. even if the Fates change our paths, I think I've got to have another way to find you instead. Of course I'm not going to settle in not meeting you at all! I am going to find you no matter what! And even if you don't love me yet, I'm going to make you love me again!_

_I applied at the University of Tokyo. I was nervous. Mum said I will get in for sure, but still, I'm not certain yet. But, I was thinking as well.. I think I want to become a nurse. It'd be cool, maybe. Mari asked why not a doctor? And I thought about it too but I said a doctor is always busy. Too busy. And someday, I don't want to become too busy for you. So just a nurse, then. And also, nurses are cool as well! Don't look down on them!_

_I'm rambling aren't I? But what can I do? I miss you already. Sometimes all I can do is daydream of our meeting again. Where will it happen, really? In a coffee shop near the university? That'd be too cheesy. In a library? Maybe, yes? Because, I like books. We both liked books, even if you don't like the classics. But maybe in a few years I can convince you that classic books have a charm on their own._

_I wonder what are you doing right now. Now, in 2015 in present time. Now, in whatever year it is there when you read this letter. How are things going for us? Did we get engaged? Did we get already married? God, I really hope we got married. I love you so, so, so much too, you know? I know I don't always say that to you before but that's because I'm shy. But always keep that in your mind, yes? I love you so much, Bokuto Koutarou. And I don't think I'll ever love anyone else this deeply aside from you._

_Many years ago, when you told me I'm going get engaged with you, I thought, What????! No way?!??? How can that be true?!??? You said we're just friends!!??? But then you know what? My heart was jumping in pure joy that time. I guess that's pretty obvious for you, because all I did was cry right then, I think. But I'm telling this now—those were tears of joy and pure bliss. You didn't know how happy I am that I'd get to have the man of my dreams love me back. Of course it's a child's dream. It's everyone else's dream. It's mine, too. And I hope, I really hope, that in the future, when everything else is okay again and settled, I hope to God that he can give us a beautiful story too. Not like the fairy tales, no. I'm not asking for that. Our lives are very complicated, after all. But, I just wish that everything will become clear to us someday. And that whatever happens—whatever comes in our way—I keep praying that we won't be apart for too long._

_I can take the pain the Fates will inflict us because of your jumps. I know that. I can't change that. I just pray to God that every time he takes you away, he'll always give you back to me in the end, safe and unharmed._

_It's getting late. I wrote this in a school night. I'm going to bed now. If you managed to read this in the future without my consent, well, I don't know. You're always a bit nosy aren't you? But whatever. I love you. Always._

_Keiji_

 

 

Bokuto folded the letter, and put it back in the envelope. There were fresh tears in his eyes, streaming down his face, dripping slowly on the wooden floorboards.

There was a big hole in his chest. A cavity gnawing his soul. He can't breathe. He's dying; there's only too much pain one could bear.

 _God_ , he thought.  _God_.

He was still heaving when he felt the still-familiar sensation in his gut. It's been a few months, but he'll never forget this feelingㅡhot, cold, then hot again.

He found himself in a boisterous place. It was dark. Twilight, but there were many bright lights everywhere. He was still crouched down on the floor, and now he discovered it was dirty concrete, so he stood up, disoriented.

Then—

"Kou!" somebody called.

He turned around, looking for the voice. "Kou!" it called out again.

Bokuto found him easily—jumping off a moving Ferris Wheel. Akaashi landed a bit clumsily, earning shouts of surprise from the people around him. They helped him stand, and when he did, he was smiling. There were sparkling tears too, it seemed. But his smile was blinding.

And, oh, how Bokuto missed it.

How Bokuto missed  _him_.

 _"Keiji!"_ he called out to him in a strangled voice.

And they ran, towards each other.

 

 

 

_**12:26 AM; October 02, 2027; Bokuto—30 Akaashi—28** _

There was no sound apart from a faint  _beep—beep—beep—_  coming from some kind of machine.

He opened his eyes, feeling as nauseated as ever.

" _K-Kou,"_  his dried lips uttered.

ㅡthe first word he said again after a few months of slumbering.

 

The first word he said when he woke up.

 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos/comments are very much appreciated! spread the word; spread the love ;)
> 
> as always;  
> i lurk at: [twitter](http://twitter.com/ellesteaparty) / [tumblr](http://luh-dadi-dadi.tumblr.com).  
> i make mixes at [spotify](https://open.spotify.com/user/ellesanmiguel) :)  
>   
> u can send me prompts [here](http://luh-dadi-dadi.tumblr.com/ask).


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